And Now For Something Completely Different
by teal duck
Summary: "As Itachi gazed at the wide black eyes of his younger brother he realized he couldn't do it." In which Itachi cannot give up Sasuke. Shonenai content! Don't like, don't read. Mostly will be KisaIta but a bit of SasuNaruSasu also.
1. Chapter 1

"As Itachi gazed at the wide black eyes of his younger brother he realized he couldn't do it." In which Itachi cannot give up Sasuke. My first (serious) fanfic! **Shonenai** content! Don't like, don't read. Will be KisaIta but a bit of SasuNaruSasu also.

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

**WARNING** – there will be **shonenai**content so if you are bothered by that or don't like it just save yourself the time and go choose another fic. This is _not_ a SasukexItachi fic; it's mostly KisaIta and a SasuNaruSasu fic, no incest. Rating may go up.

Spoilers: yes, mostly for volume 43 chapters 396-402 (pretty much the whole 'Uchiha Secret' thinger)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters used in this fanfiction, the title is taken from a British comedy (which I also do not own) that has absolutely nothing to do with this fic.

AN: I'm not sure if this _is_ different (has anyone done this before?) but here you go! This is my first (serious) fanfic so please review :) Especially what you like/dislike but anything is welcome.

Chapter 1: Prologue

"Sasuke, don't come in here."

Itachi barely managed to keep the desperation from his voice, but two years in anbu had taught him calming techniques that allowed him to kill unhindered by emotions. That had allowed him to kill his clan.

The door swung open.

"Itachi! What happened? Everyone-everyone is dead!" Sasuke cried.

Itachi's grip on his kunai was slick and sticky with blood. As he gazed at the wide black eyes of his younger brother he realized he couldn't do it. The kunai slipped from his fingers.

"Assassins," he whispered, willing the Mangekyo away, "sent by enemies of our clan."

It wasn't a lie. None of it was a lie.

Itachi turned to face him. "We're not safe here, Sasuke. We have to leave Konaha."

Sasuke stared up at him and nodded, so trusting of his 'aniki'.

"But what about mother… and father," Sasuke mumbled, eyes slipping past him to the bodies on the floor.

"They're gone Sasuke," Itachi snapped harshly, Sasuke flinched, eyes going liquid with tears. Guilt stabbed through him, Itachi reached out gathering the little body into his arms. "It's just us now, little brother."

Sasuke buried his face against his shoulder hiding his tears. Itachi was grateful it kept him from seeing his own.

TTT

That night, as Sasuke lay safely sleeping in the forest outside Konaha, Itachi returned to the Uchiha complex and attached a transformation jutsu to the body of a dog disguised as Sasuke.

He reported back to the Hokage. Mission successful.

He returned for Sasuke and left Konaha, a disgraced hero.

TTT

AN: So… what did you think? Really short I know -_-' and Itachi is a little OC but I figured that this story would be showing a different side of him you don't usually see so he could take on the caring brother role (maybe?). Anyway please review!


	2. Welcome to the Akatsuki

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** –there will be **shonenai**content so if you are bothered by that or don't like it just save yourself the time and go choose another fic. This is _not_ a SasukexItachi fic, it's mostly a KisaIa and a SasuNaruSasu, no incest. Rating may go up.

Spoilers: yes, mostly for volume 43 chapters 396-402 (pretty much the whole 'Uchiha Secret' thinger)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters used in this fanfiction, the title is taken from a British comedy (which I also do not own) that has absolutely nothing to do with this fic.

AN: I'm not sure if this _is_ different (has anyone done this before?) but here you go! This is my first (serious) fanfic so please review :) Especially what you like/dislike but anything is welcome. Dedicated to mizukage-princess as my first ever reviewer! Thank you! ( Sorry if this embarrasses you)

Chapter 2: Welcome to the Akatsuki

Kisame liked kids. Their innocent outlook on life was refreshing to the constant fighting and murders he had to deal with daily.

That didn't mean he wanted one as his partner.

"This is non-negotiable," Leader said as he sat behind his big oaken desk in the Akatsuki headquarters.

Kisame's hands fisted at his sides but he turned away, he would not fight him.

As he reached the door he hesitated then turned back. "He might get killed."

"He has you to protect him," Leader replied simply, leaning over to retrieve a form from a drawer.

Kisame considered this for a moment. "I might kill him."

Leader turned to meet his eyes that unnerving ripple pattern boring into him. "You know the consequences of attacking another member, you would do well to remember it."

Kisame was frozen for a second, caught by that gaze. At last Leader broke the contact, focusing on the form instead. Kisame left, considering that a dismissal.

Itachi was waiting for him in the hallway.

Kisame sighed as he looked down at him; he barely came up to the middle of his chest and looked sickly with that pale skin and lines of fatigue under his eyes. Skinny too, didn't look like much of a fighter. But Kisame had learned over the years not to judge someone by their appearance, a mistake like that could be fatal.

With a deep sigh he motioned the boy to follow him. "Come on, you have to rest before we can go on any missions. I'm your partner by the way, Hoshigaki Kisame."

Itachi nodded once in recognition. "Uchiha Itachi," he replied shortly.

Kisame frowned slightly, the boy's clan name niggled at something in the back of his mind. Somehow familiar though he was sure he'd never met anyone by that name before.

_He walks with a limp_, he though, listening to the slight hesitation and scuff in the Uchiha's gait. His mind seemed determined to pick out every little thing wrong with his new partner.

They continued through the hallways, finally stopping at Kisame's door the room he would now share with Itachi. It was a small square room roughly hewn from the stone of the Akatsuki's base. Sparsely furnished with two beds, one at either end, and a trunk for any personal items at the foot of each bed, a circular table with two stools sat in the center of the room.

"That side is yours," Kisame gestured to the right side of the room.

Itachi took a few steps toward the right, his face expressionless as he regarded his new 'home' and only possessions. Seeming satisfied by what he saw he turned his black eyes on Kisame. "Is this location secure?"

Kisame snorted, that grown-up tone and words seemed odd coming from this kid, "of course. Pain wouldn't be here if it weren't."

Itachi turned away from him, seeming to dismiss him as if he weren't there once he'd served his purpose.

Seeming to be speaking to his right shoe he murmured gently, "Sasuke, you can come out now, we're safe." The tone surprised Kisame who'd already pegged his new partner as a cold bastard.

Itachi's long cloak was push aside and large black eyes gazed up at him out of a baby-round pale face. They flicked around the room with a kind of wary curiosity before settling on Kisame's face. If possible those eyes got even bigger.

"Aniki," the child hissed urgently, in a loud whisper that children used that only served to draw attention to them, "aniki he's _blue_."

"Yes Sasuke," Itachi said with the patient tone of a long sufferer. Kisame gathered, both from their nearly identical appearance and the term 'aniki', that this was Itachi's brother. He felt a momentary sense of relief as he realized that Itachi's strange gait had been because he'd been hiding the child and not because of some crippling injury. It vanished as he realized that that meant he now had _two_ children under his care instead of one.

Sasuke seemed to not be listening to Itachi's gently placating tone, instead tugging insistently on his hand. "But _why?_"

Kisame decided to take pity on him, "I was born this way; it's a bloodline trait."

Sasuke stepped out of the sheltering embrace of his brother to peer up at him more closely. "Like the sharingan?"

Interest piqued Kisame asked, "What exactly is the sharingan?"

"The Uchiha clan's bloodline trait," Sasuke proclaimed proudly.

"Sasuke," Itachi murmured warningly. Itachi's blank face was creased with a frown. The elder Uchiha brother did not seem pleased that the younger was disclosing clan information to a stranger.

A grin spread across Kisame's face. "I see, so you're from _that_ clan."

Itachi raised his chin, squared his shoulders and fixed him with a challenging stare.

_Arrogant little bugger_, Kisame thought. "Lucky you, if you live up to your clan's reputation you might actually survive."

Sasuke's eyes went wide and he huddled closer to Itachi who unconsciously placed protective hand on his hair. "I have no intention of dying."

Kisame met that flat black stare and reevaluated his assessment of the boy; there was none of the child-like innocence that you saw so often, even in shinobi children of that age, in those eyes.

He nodded, "Good, I don't want to have to get used to another partner." He pointed to the bed, "Little one looks like he could use some rest." _So do you but I don't think I'll risk angering an older Uchiha._

Sasuke scowled even as he yawned, "I'm not little. I started at the academy yester-" he froze suddenly, panic overtaking his features.

Itachi took his shoulders and steered him gently toward the bed. He folded back the covers and pushed Sasuke back into the sheets.

"Go to sleep, Sasuke."

"No!" the boy cried, clinging tightly to Itachi's sleeve. "Don't leave!"

Itachi carefully pulled Sasuke's hands from his arm, setting them back against his chest and pulling the blankets over him. He stood and turned away from him, heading toward the door.

"Don't leave me alone!"

Itachi went so still Kisame was temped to check him for some sort of injury or influence by genjutsu.

"I won't ever leave you Sasuke," Itachi said without turning around. "I have something I need to discuss with Kisame, go to sleep, I'll be back soon."

"Ok," the boy said in a small voice. He burrowed deeper into the blankets and watched Itachi avidly.

Itachi met his eye and motioned to the door, Kisame followed him without much hesitation. Itachi led him down the hall and around the corner before halting and turning to face him. Kisame was shocked by his expression; there was fury there, and a thinly veiled threat. Most people would not have noticed but working so closely with largely expressionless people like Sasori and Pain had given him a good sense for homicidal moods. His skin prickled and was surprised to feel this aura of danger around the boy. It was something he only felt from anbu and S-class criminals.

"I've noticed the way you've been looking at me," Itachi said, so abruptly that Kisame started. "Don't. I can take care of myself; you won't have to be looking after the 'kid'."

"I'll need some proof of that before I'd take your word for it," Kisame shot back automatically.

The world spun and Kisame suddenly found himself on his stomach with a kunai pressed to his throat. He sensed no killing intent in the body holding him down but held still, deciding not to risk it. He silently counted two beats before Itachi drew away letting him up.

"Impressive," Kisame allowed, trying to remember Itachi moving, "we'll see your full strength in two days, after you've rested."

Itachi turned away, accepting his assessment and dismissing him in the same movement. Kisame stopped him with a word, "Sasuke."

Itachi turned to face him, waiting. Encouraged Kisame continued, "is there something wrong with him I should know about?"

"No." He turned away, going back to their room. Kisame took that to mean, _there is but it's none of your business_.

Taking a more direct approach he asked, "What happened to him?"

Itachi didn't hesitate in his steps, didn't turn as he replied, "he saw their bodies."

Kisame's eyebrows shot up; perhaps there was more to the boy than he'd originally thought. As Itachi turned the corner, Kisame caught a glimpse of his face; there was nothing there to tell Kisame what he'd meant by that statement. His lips quirked into a smile, perhaps this partnership could be interesting after all.

A stirring behind him alerted him of Pein's approach. Kisame turned to face him, careful to keep his back turned away from a potentially dangerous nin out of force of habit, even one that had been his ally for countless years.

Pein regarded him with a cold flat gaze. "Leader has told me to inform you that the date of your mission has been moved to tomorrow morning."

"The Uchiha has just joined us; he is not yet ready for a mission," Kisame growled, "I will not be drug down my partner's short-comings."

Pein did not respond, simply turned back the way he'd come but Kisame knew Leader would hear his complaints.

He pushed his hand back through his hair and walked tiredly back to the room. He wondered how he'd break it to the Uchiha that he no longer had any recovery time before his mission.

He pushed open the door blinking tiredly. "Hey Itachi, our mission has been mo-" he stopped staring at the other bed.

Itachi had joined Sasuke on the bed, he'd spread his oversized cloak over both their bodies and had his arm curled protectively over the smaller body. Sasuke had fallen asleep, curled under the covers his fingers curled in his elder brothers hair. Still the boy shook gently in his sleep, eyes shut tight against the world.

Kisame sighed, feeling suddenly sorry for the boy. After all that's what he was, just a boy.

He strode over to his own bed, dropping the heavy sword and cloak. He looked back over to the opposite side of the room and murmured, "Welcome to the Akatsuki."

TTT

AN: Yeaahhh…so as you can tell… well, I don't really know if you can tell anything at this point. Hmm… Yay! Itachi joined the Akatsuki. This was actually kind of a boring chapter T_T; things will start to happen in the next chapter.

Please review :) And I love detail, don't be afraid to write a long one if you want!


	3. After Mission

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2*

Blood and gore.

Orochimaru (need I say anything else?)

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto and I am not Monty Python (although that would be _sooo_ cool).

AN: This is my first fanfic so please review :) Especially what you like/dislike but anything is welcome :)

Thank you to **AlchemyGaara, pen-Aine,** **RikusAngel**, **Capricornia** and **sarahsalim** for reviewing the last chapter :D. And of course to everybody who just read it.

Something that came up in a review: umm, Itachi wasn't trying to hide Sasuke. Sasuke was scared of the world for a while there. He wanted his aniki's protection and so stuck as close as he could until they were in a safe place. Sorry for not making that clearer ^_^;

Chapter 3: After Mission

It was like breathing.

The movements flowed into each other with an ease that far surpassed what simple repetition could produce. His fingers slid with comforting familiarity over the cool cloth wrapped metal of the handle and the weapon left his fingers, weightless, before plunging into the chest of his enemy, dropping him instantly. In that moment, time stopped.

He blinked and time was back to normal. He landed easily on the ground hands coming up in a block against the one he hadn't hit. He pushed the attack aside and drove his fist into the stomach of his opponent who doubled over in pain; Itachi's hands went to the back of his head bringing it down forcefully onto his knee, driving the bridge of the nose into his skull. The body hadn't even hit the ground and he was turning to face the next man, he stared into the man's eyes for barely an instant and watched him go rigid in fear. He took advantage of the man's momentary fear and leapt forward, aiming a kunai for his heart.

Blood sprayed and Itachi halted hurriedly, the huge sword barely missing his face as the body slowly toppled to the ground. Itachi glared up at the large shark man as he returned his sword to his back and dropped to the ground to lean against the trunk of a tree.

"That was unnecessary, I had him," Itachi told him when he seemed to ignore his silent threat.

Kisame finally turned to meet his eyes and grinned dismissively. "You were taking too long."

Itachi's eyes narrowed, considering what to do with this nuisance, and then he remembered. "Do you still have it?"

Kisame looked annoyed but showed him the scroll anyways. Itachi nodded then went about retrieving his kunai from his six kills and carefully cleaning them of blood.

Kisame watched him silently for a while before growing impatient and interrupting him with, "what do you think Leader wanted this thing for anyways?"

Itachi gave him a look that called Kisame all kinds of stupid and walked over to kneel in front of him and take the scroll from him. Pointing to one of the characters adorning the outside he said, "this tells you it is a summoning scroll, very high level. And judging from the soldiers guarding the scroll, it is very valuable." Itachi handed it back to him, a slight smirk on his pale lips.

Kisame grinned, it was more like baring his teeth but Itachi seemed unfazed. Kisame had learned over the short time they'd known each other that Itachi rarely spoke unless he needed to except if it was to somehow one up Kisame on his intellect. The boy had a lot of growing up to do.

Kisame rose to his feet with the help of his sword, looking down at the boy he held out his hand in an offer of assistance. Un-surprisingly, Itachi completely ignored the outstretched hand and got to his feet on his own.

"Let's get going, I want to be back before sunset," Itachi murmured. He leapt lithely into the overhead branches, taking off with ninja speed.

Kisame slung Samehada on to his back and followed after him, not half as quiet but just as fast. They were both completely silent as they made their way back to the base. Itachi because it was his nature while Kisame was busy carefully observing his young partner. He'd done well on this last mission, their first together, and Kisame was more than impressed. The boy was talented; he didn't hold back and pulled his weight well, not allowing others to do his job for him. Kisame was beginning to think this partnership could be a good thing.

That is, if his partner didn't run himself into the ground first.

"What's the rush?" Kisame called ahead to him, they'd been keeping the same breakneck speed for over an hour.

Itachi spared him the barest of glances but didn't bother to answer.

Kisame, remembering his partner's insistence that they make it back before sunset, grinned and said, "Don't worry, Itachi, we'll make it back in time for you to tuck the little one into bed."

Itachi shot him a look that said he would have liked to kill him if it weren't for the fact it would most likely mean his own death. Even so, still considering it.

Kisame fought not to laugh. He found the Uchiha's pout rather cute; he wondered if the boy realized how easy he was to read.

Eventually Itachi slowed their pace. Not immediately, he had to make it seem as if it was his own desire and not anything Kisame had said. Despite his alleged Anbu status he was still a child.

Even at this slower pace they managed to get back a good 3 hours before sunset. As expected Itachi immediately went in search of his younger brother, leaving Kisame to deal with Pain.

"Great just what I need," Kisame growled, "a little one-on-one with leader."

TTT

"…so you see, Sasuke-kun, you don't really _need_ all those weapons to be a great ninja, just…the right teacher."

And this was the conversation that Itachi walked in on as he entered the training field between his younger brother and the sanin Orochimaru. Sasuke was looking down at the kunai in his hand with some confusion and concern. His brow was furrowed and he was biting his lip, fingers worrying at a loose thread on the handle. All this Itachi noticed but it didn't matter nearly as much as the fact that Orochimaru was sitting all too close to his younger brother.

As he watched, Orochimaru leaned forward over the little body one hand coming up to slide lightly over the pale skin of Sasuke's neck.

Itachi saw red.

Orochimaru seemed about to continue speaking, before a single word could leave his lips Itachi stepped forward, pulling his brother away from those clammy clutches and close protectively against his side.

"He is very fortunate he has me then," Itachi nearly snapped, or would have if his voice could manage such inflection.

Orochoimaru smiled thinly at him, fingers twitching slightly in the air where Sasuke's neck had just been. Itachi wanted to cut them off.

"Yes Sasuke-kun is very fortunate to have such an avid protector." Orochimaru virtually seethed.

Ignoring the sarcasm, Itachi nodded and quickly steered Sasuke away from the pale man. That guy was a freak, coming onto a seven year old and he even looked like a snake. Itachi was glad he'd left the village before his birth so he hadn't had to deal with him through his own childhood.

Sasuke was looking up at him with a slight frown.

"That was really rude Itachi," Sasuke pouted, "and I didn't get to finish training." He held up the kunai as if it proved his statement.

_He's so young, doesn't understand,_ Itachi thought with a pang, he'd do all he could to keep that innocence as long as he could.

"I'll train with you tomorrow, right now let's go back to the room to practice genjutsu," Itachi promised, as long as he was away from that creep he was happy.

On hearing his brother's offer to train with him Sasuke instantly perked up, practically dragging Itachi back to their room.

_Kami-sama, I'd give anything to protect this._

Itachi made his way silently down the hall. He was weary and dirty from their passed mission all he wanted was a bath and bed, not necessarily in that order. As usual he'd left Kisame alone to give their report to leader; he reasoned that since he had known him longer they would get along better. Mostly it was just to avoid those ripple eyes. There was power there, power that even his sharingan couldn't match.

And speaking of creepy things he wished to avoid, there was someone following him.

Halting his steps he turned slightly to face his stalker. "Orochimaru-san, please just tell me what you want instead of following me, I am tired," Itachi sighed.

"You shouldn't admit a weakness to a potential enemy Itachi-kun," the snake man admonished. He stepped out of the shadows and into the light cast by a torch hanging just in front of Itachi. He smiled, as if he wished to turn his comment into a joke but Itachi stayed on his guard.

"If this is about Sasuke again I've already told you, give up. I'll never let you have him."

Orochimaru chuckled, a dark oily sound. "Of course, I know how protective you are of that boy. I've come to you with a proposition-"

"You followed me down three hallways, masking your chakra," Itachi felt the slight drain on his already weakened chakra as he activated his sharingan. He leveled his red and black gaze on the '_Legendary Sanin'_. "You did not approach me of your own will, now stop with the speech and come out with it: what do you want?"

He barely seemed to be listening, staring boldly into Itachi's eyes. "You."

Itachi jerked back. "What…"

"We can help each other," Orochimaru purred, staring at his eyes intently he prowled forward and Itachi drew back from that look. It was far too predatory. "I heard what happened, to your clan."

Itachi stiffened, waiting for the accusations.

"I can help you get revenge on the people who did it."

That stopped him for a second. Did the man not realize…? His back hit the wall. Cornered.

"And all I need…" Orochimaru reached out, his fingers grazing Itachi's cheek, "…is your body."

A shock went through his body. Itachi slapped that hand away. "Don't you touch me!"

The smile vanished from Orochimaru's mouth. "Don't speak to me with that tone _boy_." Suddenly Orochimaru lunged at him.

Itachi kicked him in the stomach and jumped back but that barely seemed to faze the snake man. Moving faster than Itachi thought possible Orochimaru's hand shot out to grip his wrist, jerking his smaller body toward the man.

Itachi's lips drew back from his teeth and steel flashed in his hand. "I told you not to touch me!" he snarled. The kunai whipped out, slicing through flesh and cartilage, severing the hand at the wrist so that it would never dare to touch him again.

With a shriek Orochimaru fell back, the bleeding stump clutched against his stomach. He crumpled to the ground, but that didn't deter his assault. As his body fell to the ground his neck stretched out, longer than could be possible.

Frozen in his shock, Itachi didn't move as Orochimaru gripped his hair, jerking his head back. He felt the cold touch of those lips on his collar bone.

Thankfully-_thank all the gods in this world_-the body holding his was yanked away. Itachi looked around to see his partner, glaring murderously, shake Orochimaru's body off the end of his sword.

"If you want a fight, Oro, do it when he's rested. Don't take the coward's path and attack him when his chakra is practically at zero." Kisame was smiling, but it was the one he wore as he slaughtered his opponents, jounin to genin, with just a sweep of his Samehada blade.

Orochimaru stood up slowly, hunched over his stomach beads of sweat shining on his forehead. Itachi didn't blame him, that sword of Kisame's could do some ugly damage. "We were just having a conversation-"

"Clearly, I usually talk into his chest too, it's understandable. Now get out of here, Leader will not be pleased if he hears about this," it was a clear threat, one that Orochimaru headed immediately. He cast one last hungry look back at Itachi that made him shiver but continued on down the hall, scampering away like a rat.

"That rat," Kisame growled. Itachi jumped, wondering if Kisame could have some how heard his thoughts. "That man, he's really disgusting, I always thought he was a rat but this makes it even clearer."

Ah, just talking at him like usual. "Thank-you," Itachi said as Kisame turned walk to their room.

Kisame halted in his tracks, looking back at the elder Uchiha. They had been partners for going on ten months now, and Itachi never said thank-you for anything but after his 'pass the dango'. He said 'I had him' and 'don't interrupt', never 'thank-you'.

Kisame grinned, brushing it off. "Hey, no problem. Like I said, he's a creep; I wouldn't want him anywhere near me." He hefted Samehada and joked, "In fact I've gotta touch him with a five foot pole."

Itachi gave him a blank look that said he was a complete imbecile and not even vaguely funny all without even a single word. Kisame breathed a sigh of relief, things were back to normal. Even if he didn't particularly enjoy having two children under foot all the time he'd grown accustomed to having him around and being reliably moody and deadpan.

But still, as they walked to the room he couldn't help but ask.

"I heard what he said, about your clan," Kisame began, Itachi ignored him, maybe speeding up a little, "what-"

"They were murdered," Itachi said shortly. "Assassinated, slaughtered. All of them. Even Shiro. He was only four months old."

Itachi pushed passed him into the room. He quickly disrobed and lay down on his pallet beside the bed. He'd been sleeping there since Sasuke had decided he was too old to sleep with someone else and of course, Itachi had bowed to his desire.

Kisame wordlessly made his way to his own side of the room. Leaning Samehada against the wall he slipped into bed, silently watching as the young Uchiha pretended to sleep.

It was really a shame; Kisame thought as he drifted into sleep, that there were no grief counselors for missing nin.

TTT

"Congratulations Uchiha, thanks to you we now are missing one member and a ring," Leader spoke in his typical neutral tone but Itachi could hear something in his voice that spoke of anger.

"If I may, it wasn't Itachi's fault. Oro attacked him," Kisame interjected, "and I stepped in to help but it was Oro's own cowardice that made him leave, not anything that Itachi did."

_Why is he helping me?_ Itachi wondered, as far as he knew Kisame wanted rid of him, the bother of always dragging a child around and all that.

Leader… actually seemed amused. "Yes the fact that Itachi cut off his hand had nothing to do with it."

"Hey if he can't take that should he really be in this organization?" Kisame reasoned.

Leader outright ignored that comment and turned to Itachi. He'd determined over the months that Itachi was the more reasonable, level-headed of the partners, not to mention more intelligent. "Never the less I want you both to be on the look out for Orochimaru. He has the one of the rings. We need it back. If necessary, kill him. He is now a deserter and knows too much about this organization for him to simply go free."

Itachi bowed quickly and turned to leave once Leader motioned them out. Once out in the hall Kisame laughed softly, "I didn't realize it was possible to become a missing nin from a _criminal _organization."

"It's for our safety," Itachi replied. He didn't have time to explain to the shark man the dangers of having all their secrets out for anybody to hear, he was busy.

Kisame watched him push passed and then followed him.

"Why have people been following me lately?" Itachi murmured.

"We're both going to the training grounds," Kisame shrugged, "I figure we might as well go together."

"This is the hall to the rooms."

"I can walk with you to pick up Sasuke," Kisame said generously.

Itachi 'hn'd, it was a habit Kisame had noticed that seemed to convey annoyance but acceptance.

"Aniki!" was the greeting as they entered the room, Sasuke nearly flying as he leapt from the bed onto Itachi. Kisame could understand his exuberance. The kid had been cooped up in their room for the last two days because of his brother's obsessive worrying.

"Itachi, we're going to go train now right? Like you promised?" Sasuke chirped, giving him a smile that he knew made Itachi melt.

Itachi just smiled right back, completely unaware of the way Sasuke had him wrapped around his finger. "Of course."

Sasuke ran to grab the weapons pouch by his bed. It was still much too large for him to wear properly so he carried it by the fastenings like a bag. Sasuke rushed back and tugged urgently at Itachi's hand.

Kisame, ignored until now, spoke up suddenly, "If you wouldn't mind, Sasuke, I'd like a quick word with you're brother."

That happy expression immediately disappeared, replaced by one that could rival the most cold blooded killer's and promised him a slow death. Kisame grinned at the kid's cheek, he was very clever and though Itachi knew this, all he ever saw was his precious little brother. Despite the look, Sasuke nodded and went to stand at the door, leaning against the door jam half in and half out of the room, clearly displaying his impatience.

Kisame turned to the elder Uchiha, amused to see him wearing nearly the exact same expression, maybe a little less pouty. "Don't completely freak out when I say this," Kisame cautioned, eyes narrowing, Itachi went a little more on guard. Kisame took a deep breath, "I think we should leave."

That wiped the look from his face, "Leave? Orochimaru left under reasonable conditions, and he now has the entire Akatsuki after him. If you wish for the same fate, go ahead but I have someone else I must care for."

"No, I didn't mean leave the organization, just the base," Kisame assured hurriedly. "Sasori and Deidara have already left, and Zetsu never comes here in person. As long as we keep in contact Leader has no problem with it."

No response, the expression was back to guarded.

"It'll be safer. Oro holds a grudge for a long time; if I know him at all he'll be back for you, or more likely, Sasuke."

That earned him a sharp look; he'd known any mention of Sasuke would get his attention. Itachi's eyes dropped down to the left, Kisame wondered what he was thinking about.

"Let me think about it," Itachi said softly, biting his lip in his concentration. He walked passed Kisame without a word, taking Sasuke by the hand as they walked down the hall. Again, Kisame found himself following the boy.

Once in the field they used as a training ground Itachi led them over to the area where the practice posts for kunai were set up. Kisame stopped half way there, at the sturdier posts to practice with Samehada. This didn't take much concentration, it was basically his attempt to pulverize the posts and so he could watch the brothers in their own practice.

Itachi had ten wooden disks in his hand which he was placing around the field, some on the ground, others up higher on the posts, attached with chakra. When all the disks had been placed he went to the centre of the field, drawing an 'x' on the ground with his toe. Sasuke trotted forward to stand on the x, his oversized pouch knotted around his waist. Itachi went to stand outside the ring of posts.

The moment he was there, Sasuke jumped into action.

Two kunai stabbed into the centre of two disks, directly in front of him. Metal flashed as he turned, three kunai - specially made to fit his smaller hands - were held between his knuckles. He jumped into the air, twisting – thunkthunkthunk - six more disks, dead centre. Sasuke landed, facing opposite the direction he'd started, two more kunai already in his hand. He threw them, already looking up to Itachi with a hopeful expression.

Itachi's eyes flickered slightly to the right. Immediately Sasuke turned, a kunai seeming to appear in his hand and flying into the middle of one of the last disks he'd hit, slightly lower than his original mark.

All of it took barely a minute.

Kisame realized he'd stopped his pretense of training and was now staring open mouthed at the brothers. Sasuke was still poised for a fight but his eyes were fixed on Itachi, waiting for some sort of signal. At last Itachi gave a slight smile and nodded. Sasuke relaxed his stance and practically bounced over to Itachi's side, and followed him as he retrieved the kunai.

Kisame went back to his 'practicing'. It was ridiculous really, Itachi was so lenient with Sasuke normally, but when it came to training he was like a slave driver. Even little imperfections like that (because it could have only been an inch off at most) often resulted in a complete restart of the lesson. Kisame was always blown away by the child's progress in just one short session, and the way he smiled when Itachi gave him that approving nod.

Such simple signs of affection, and Sasuke acted like they were his whole world.

'_Of course, with the Uchiha, you take what you can get_,' Kisame thought.

It went on like this until the sunset. Kisame had given up his pretense nearly two hours before and was napping under a tree when Itachi walked by, nudging his foot. Kisame started, one hand groping blearily for his sword. As senses returned he realized who had so rudely interrupted him. Grunting, Kisame instead used the sword as leverage to stand.

"We're going in now," Itachi informed him. Sasuke was leaning against his side, very much like he'd been his first day here, only much dirtier. His eyes drooped with exhaustion.

Kisame glanced back a little mournfully at his tree but followed him to the room; there were beds in there after all.

Sasuke flopped fully clothed onto the mattress. His eyes closed almost instantly and he didn't protest when Itachi prodded him up again to help him undress, he went through the motions with his eyes stubbornly closed. Finally in just his boxers he lay back down with his head resting against Itachi's thigh, asleep almost instantly.

Kisame thought the kid had the right idea. He dropped Samehada and his cloak on his trunk and was about to lay down when Itachi spoke. "We'll go." Kisame stopped to give his partner a confused look. Itachi wasn't looking at him though; his eyes were riveted on Sasuke as his fingers gently worked out the knots in his hair. A frown appeared between Itachi's brows when Kisame didn't immediately answer him. He looked up seeming annoyed to have his gaze taken from Sasuke "you said it would be safer."

Blinking, Kisame tried to figure out what Itachi was talking about, finally remembering their conversation earlier that day. "That's good," he replied, he tried to think of anything else to say, but he was always very foggy brained when he first woke up.

Itachi seemed to accept that though. He moved Sasuke over slightly on the bed, giving himself enough room to lie down beside his brother. Kisame reflected that Itachi was really a very sad, lonely little boy. He quickly shook those thoughts away; it was crazy thinking of him that way still when he'd seen him break a man's neck without any remorse just a few days ago.

'_Sleep_,' Kisame thought, '_sleep'll cure me_.' With that thought he slid beneath the covers. They had a lot of travelling to do tomorrow, it was better to be rested.

TTT

(Long)AN: Gah! This is supposed to be an Itachi and Sasuke story but you barely see anything of Sasuke in this chapter and it's all in Kisame's perspective! Gonna try out my Itachi POV next chapter, let's hope it doesn't suck. It may take longer to get out since it will be all from scratch and this and the last one had the main points already written. Sorry if that bit in the middle grossed anyone out, I do hate blood -_-~. Anyone notice how _everything_ ends with them going to sleep?

*Sibling promotion time* my brother is now on ! He is 'tell me somethin' please'. Not a fan of shonenai or anything like that but a good writer, especially if you like action or a laugh.


	4. Cat and Fox

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2* SPOILERS!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python.

AN: People didn't seem to like the last chapter :( Was it too long? Or did the style not quite work?

It was brought up that I need to improve my fight scenes. So anybody have any advice or writers that I can check out? Thanks!

Thank you to **Bloody Dead And Sexy**for reviewing the last chapter.

Chapter 4: Cat and Fox

They walked.

And walked.

And walked some more.

And then occasionally, they stopped to eat. And then they continued walking.

"Where are we going?" Sasuke called ahead to Itachi.

"Perhaps you should include a little bit of geography in that military regime you've got him on, Itachi," Kisame chuckled. Addressing Sasuke now, he said, "You should be able to recognize you're home country Sasuke."

Eyes very round, Sasuke looked around him, taking in the trees and plants. Itachi could see recognition alight in his eyes before the gaze darkened in memory.

Itachi could feel the moment Sasuke looked at him, could see those big hopeful eyes staring at him. He sighed, "No Sasuke, we won't be going there."

And now came the pout, even not looking at it he could feel himself being swayed. God the kid had him absolutely whipped. "But Aniki, please? Just for a bit?" Sasuke pleaded, Itachi found himself wondering how good of a genjutsu he could perform to mask their appearance. "I want to visit Mother and Father's grave."

Itachi felt his heart freeze. No. No, no never. Would they even have a grave? If they did, what would it say? 'Leaders of a traitor family, glad their gone'? That would be being polite. There was probably an unmarked mass grave somewhere, probably under the ashes of the Uchiha compound… Itachi jerked his thoughts away from that. No, just no, Sasuke would never see that.

"It's too risky," Itachi said through frozen lips, "You know why I always use a fake name. We have enemies that are probably still searching for us, and on top of that, we're missing Nin, our own village is looking for us."

Sasuke took a deep breath as if he would cry. Itachi looked back over his shoulder at him and hastened to assure him, "some day, Sasuke. Just not today, ok?" Sasuke nodded and Itachi reached back to hold his hand. Sasuke gave a huff – Itachi smirked, he could imagine what his brother was thinking 'he was big, he could walk himself' - but held on anyways. "And we're going somewhere you'll recognize."

Sasuke looked up at him, "where?"

"To Granny Cat's," Itachi smiled slightly as Sasuke's expectant expression turned sour.

"But she smells," Sasuke whispered. Itachi dropped his hand. Sasuke looked a little hurt… until he felt those fingers poke him in the forehead, then he was just annoyed. He scowled up at his brother's amused face, rubbing at the location of impact as if that would change the fact that it'd happened. Itachi rarely did that to him anymore, he'd been hoping it had stopped.

"That was very rude Sasuke," Itachi chided, "you should show respect for you're elders." Despite his scolding words, there was a hint of amusement in his tone.

Sasuke scowled harder and, unlike if Itachi had been serious, decided to retaliate, "you're one to talk. You're always bossing Kisame around and he's…" Sasuke blinked in bewilderment as he realized he had absolutely no idea how to finish that. "Kisame, how old are you?"

Kisame was smiling, probably thinking about that comment, 'Always bossing him around'. Still smiling, he replied, "I wish I could tell ya' squirt, but your guess is about as good as mine."

Sasuke was giving him a suspicious look, "How can you not know how old you are?"

Itachi gave him a warning look, 'Don't be rude' it said. Sasuke didn't see it.

Kisame ignored it too, "Mist is a brutal place to grow up in. My clan was divided, something about Clan Head I think, and they were so busy killing each other and teaching their children how to do the same they didn't have much time for birthdays or even record keeping. They all died out when I was about your size. But that's no help with age, I age very irregularly. From what Konan was able to come up with about half the rate of a normal human." Sasuke looked at him solemn and apologetic, Kisame seemed… thoughtful but not exactly heartbroken as you would expect from someone talking about the extermination of their clan. Coming out of his mood he gave the kid a wink, "but I can guarantee you one thing, I am definitely older than Itachi."

Sasuke smiled back weakly, and ran to hold onto Itachi's hand again.

Seeming to suddenly occur to him, Kisame asked "Itachi, who's this Granny Cat of yours and why are we going to her?"

"She is a friend of the Uchiha clan; she will give us food and a place to stay for the night. Not for free, obviously." Itachi replied. "She's more concerned with making money than anything else, except her cats, so she shouldn't have a problem helping us out."

"Good, good," Kisame mumbled, "Someone who aids wanted criminals, that's the kind of company we want to keep."

Itachi smiled to himself, just a private chuckle in his mind, he couldn't let Kisame know that he was, occasionally, amusing. It would ruin a carefully kept image. But then again, if Kisame wasn't entertaining now and then, their partnership would not have lasted a week. Besides, it was nice sometimes to have some noise and conversation while traveling those long distances to and from missions.

Sasuke gasped as they broke through the trees, suddenly coming into a wide bare plain. Off in the distance, Itachi could see the tall central building of the old army base turned city. For some reason he remembered it being a lot bigger, of course he'd been much smaller the last time he was here.

"Didn't know Fire country had a place like this," Kisame grunted. His gaze raked over the brown windblown plain, topsoil almost nonexistent with no trees or other vegetation to protect it. "Wonder how this happened."

"During the war this was a main battle field," Itachi began as he continued walking, "The trees which characterize the fire nation were to our advantage but only worked against our enemies. They decided to remove them. The erosion to the soil removed all other vegetation and the blood, bodies and bird waste made sure it stayed that way."

"So they decided to build a town here?"

"No," Sasuke snapped, Itachi looked over to see him giving Kisame a nearly identical look to the one he himself often used on the shark man. "The town used to be on the edge but the desert has gotten bigger over the years. It's mostly empty now; just Granny Cat and her helpers live there now." He halted slightly, looking up to Itachi for approval, "I think."

Itachi smiled and nodded. He had included geography, but - more so for someone as young as Sasuke - it had been a long time since they'd been here. It was easy to forget, especially since they'd never expected to come here again.

Kisame snorted in amusement. "What now you're ganging up on me, that's hardly fair." He reached out a hand and mussed Sasuke's hair in the back, making it stick up even more atrociously in then normal. "Ok, I'll admit, you do know a bit about geography," he teased.

Sasuke ducked and swatted at his hand, trying to pat down his hair again.

"Itachi!" Sasuke whined. Kisame laughed out loud.

"Hurry up you two." Sometimes he worried about his partner's influence on Sasuke. But really, his little brother needed someone around the same age as him, even if it was mental age.

They made it to the town in good time. Sasuke's eyes were drooping and he drug his feet. Itachi was beginning to feel very edgy. Any ninja, especially one from such a heavily forested place like Konaha, would have trouble being in such a barren place. Not that it really seemed to bother Kisame.

"Damn it's dry here," he cried out cheerfully. "Where to now Itachi?" he slapped the smaller male on the back making him stumble.

"It's just this way," Itachi muttered. He gripped Sasuke's shoulder, keeping him from falling on the broken concrete.

The building that Itachi led them into, despite being the most complete was still rather run down. Wires and pipes were clearly visible as if the people who had built the building had given-up halfway through. There were random exits from the main hall that Itachi knew led to a dead end or doubled back on themselves. The place was a virtual labyrinth, anyone who did not know the way would find themselves lost for days.

"So where are we going?" Kisame hissed, disturbing the silence that had followed them since they'd entered.

"Hn," Itachi grunted.

Kisame stared at him, "does that 'hn' mean 'shut-up and follow me' or 'shut-up I'm trying to figure it out'."

"Or maybe just shut-up," Sasuke offered.

Itachi didn't feel like replying, really it had been all three of those; he did not know the way. The best thing to do would be to walk around and wait until they were found. Of course, silence was always appreciated; he'd been listening to the buzz of their banter for three days now, it was getting rather loud.

As they continued through the building, they all became aware of strange skittering noises. The sounds followed them down the hall. Sasuke edged closer to Itachi uneasily. After ten minutes of this Itachi came to a halt, turning to face the direction they'd come.

"Denka, Hina, come on out," Itachi called. Two cat-like creatures seemed to materialize before them.

"Ah, Itachi," one of them cackled, "It's been a while since we've seen any of you pass through here, what is it you need?" They gazed up at him with identical slitted eyes. For some reason, and just for a moment, Itachi was reminded of Orochimaru.

"Just provisions and a place to stay for the night if it's not too much trouble," Itachi said respectfully. Kisame watched him out of the corner of his eye, seeming to find his partner's conversation with cats entertaining.

"Hmm, no trouble with the right funding," one said.

"Better yet, a gift, mew," the other prompted.

Their eyes fell on Kisame, filling with fascination. "What's this?" one of them asked. He licked his lips and slunk towards Kisame, "A nice snack you've brought us?"

"Be careful," Itachi warned. Kisame swung his sword lightly in a shooing gesture. The tanuki, leapt back with a hiss. "This 'snack' will bite back." Itachi pulled a small container out of his cloak. "Catnip, I believe this is suitable?"

They licked their lips excitedly and quite nearly bounced down the hall. "Right this way."

The two tanuki led them down the hall into a much more lived in room. Drapes fell from the ceiling, books and other odds and ends lined the shelves, cushions were spread out to accompany the many cats that lay about, and in the middle of it all was an old woman with cat ears perched on her head.

Kisame's eyes flickered toward Itachi momentarily but otherwise didn't comment. The old woman made a slight motion toward them and a woman and a girl a couple years older than Itachi came over, giving them all friendly smiles.

The woman bent down in front of Sasuke and helped him to remove his travel pack. Sasuke gave her a grateful smile and promptly sat down on the ground, pulling off his sandals. The girl wavered for a second between Itachi and Kisame, the teenager's scowl and Kisame's unusual appearance giving her pause. Itachi scowled harder as Kisame smiled, careful to keep his teeth from visibility. The girl smiled back hesitantly and came over to take his pack, wincing as she felt its full weight. Itachi glared down the woman as she moved to take his.

"Itachi Uchiha, stop terrorizing my help and come over here," Granny Cat harrumphed. Itachi went over to sit in front of her, setting down his pack beside him. Granny Cat watched this with a raised quizzical eyebrow, "I can see you've kept a healthy dose of paranoia from your anbu days."

Itachi reached into a side pocket and handed her the money he'd stored there. "This is for supplies and rooming for the night, and clothes and shoes for Sasuke," he said shortly.

Granny Cat accepted the cash and tucked it away. As Itachi made to rise she put out a hand to stop him. "Sit. I need to talk to you." Itachi sat. For a moment Granny Cat didn't say anything, instead busying herself with her pipe, snapping at the girl to take their packs to their room and the woman to get Sasuke clothing. Finally she took a puff of her pipe and then jabbed it at him, "Itachi I've been hearing some interesting rumors recently about your clan-"

Itachi's eyes widened and he cast around the room for Sasuke. If he heard- Some of the panic left him as he located him on the far side of the room talking to the woman.

Itachi turned back to Granny Cat to find her watching him with sharp eyes. "So it's true then, what they've started saying in Konoha." She looked him up and down, taking in his black and red cloak, "is that why you're wearing that cloak?"

Itachi tensed. He'd been expecting to be criticized if people ever learned of his actions, even hated. He hadn't expected it here though. "Please don't-" he began.

Granny Cat waved it off, "I've heard other things too, about the Elders and a certain Clan plan. I know you well enough, boy, to believe those above the others. And as for that cloak," she stopped to take a draft from her pipe again. "I have no problem with it, or you. 'Criminal organization', hmph. In my day the Akatsuki were peace keepers. I'd always agreed with that leader of theirs policies during the war," she peered up at him now, eyes surprisingly clear and sharp. "Tell me Itachi, will you strive to make this world a better place as well?"

TTT

"Goodbye, Granny Cat," Itachi said. They'd stayed the night in an extra room of hers, in proper beds and now, clean fed and in Sasuke's case, newly clothed they were continuing on their way.

"Thank you for the shoes," Sasuke bowed.

"No need for that Sasuke," she chuckled patting her pocket where she'd put the money.

They exited the building and made their way out into the small desert, heading in a straight line in the same direction they'd been going before stopping here.

When they were a good distance from the town Kisame spoke up, "I am never letting you choose a rest stop again," he grumbled.

Itachi smirked, remembering Kisame's face from the night before, after he'd walked in on Granny Cat having a 'conversation' with one of her cats.

"It wasn't that bad," Sasuke said in a placating tone.

"Sure, sure, her cats just played with you, they didn't try to eat you," Kisame laughed quietly. Sasuke nodded happily.

Itachi was far from at ease, their playful chitchat barely even registered. With the route they were currently on, they would cut too close to Konoha. If he remembered correctly they shouldn't come across any patrols, but it had been almost a year, things could change. Itachi pushed the negative thoughts away with a mental shake of his head. They'd be fine. He would get them passed any patrols without having Kisame kill any of his former countrymen. They'd get out of Fire country without incident and into wave country.

"Why are you frowning," Kisame broke into his thoughts. He was smiling at him. Itachi didn't even flinch as he looked at his razor sharp teeth, these days he didn't even think about it.

"Thinking."

"Hm, a very dangerous past time," Kisame informed him. By this time they were only a mile away from the wall of Konoha. Itachi was feeling tense; his eyes twitched everywhere, searching for any hint of movement. He activated his sharingan, everything leaping into startling clarity. He let himself relax a margin. Nothing had or ever would get passed his sharingan.

A flicker of movement.

He jerked his gaze toward it, one hand already holding a kunai. Yellow, glaring orange and the brightest blue he'd ever seen. He realized that he'd just pulled his weapon on a blonde child, a very dirty one, hiding himself in the underbrush. The boy was about Sasuke's age, maybe a year or two younger. The blue he'd noticed, the child's eyes, shone with tears and there were dirty tracks down his cheeks.

His companions were only beginning to react to his sudden movement. Kisame was tugging at the clumsy sword on his back, Sasuke taking a few steps back from the potential battle ground as he'd been told. Itachi raised his hand, making a sign to notify them it was no immediate threat. If this was a child from a different nation they could be expecting an attack from worried caretakers, they should keep a lookout for that. He kept his eyes trained on the child though. What he'd thought for the briefest instant was just the boy's jacket he now realized extended beyond his physical body. Pure chakra surrounded him, swirling and leaping like flames. The movements were not with any direction at the moment, just random bursts like a child's tantrum.

At the moment the child's eyes were fixed on Itachi, alarm showing clearly in his gaze. The powerful chakra surrounding him grew more agitated.

Itachi hesitantly reached a hand. "Shh, shh, it's fine, we're not going to hurt you," Itachi soothed, remembering the voice his mother had used when Sasuke awoke from nightmares and that he'd learned after her death. The blonde boy sniffed and wiped at his eyes and nose with his wrists then gazed up at him, still wary but without the panicked fear. Itachi smiled encouragingly and the boy tentatively reached out and put his hand in his. Itachi pulled him to his feet. "My name is Itachi," he said, "this is Sasuke and Kisame." Sasuke smiled and came over to the boy who smiled back a bit more uncertainly. Kisame wisely hung back.

Itachi, watching the boy out of the corner of his eye, saw the orange chakra recede back into the boy's body as he calmed down.

"Where are you from? Are you from Konoha?" Sasuke asked.

The boy nodded, "Are you from Konoha too?"

"Um, kinda," Sasuke replied after a quick look at Itachi. "Do I know you? What's your name?"

Immediately the orange chakra flared up again. The boy clutched his hand to his chest and stared at Sasuke guardedly. When Sasuke only looked back in confusion he said hesitantly, "Naruto."

When Sasuke just smiled the boy relaxed, his violent chakra with him.

"If you're from Konaha we should take you back," Itachi said.

"No. I ran away, I don't ever want to go back there," Naruto pouted, giving him a squinty eyed glare.

Itachi sighed, he could remember a time when he'd felt the same. Of course he'd been four so he hadn't gotten very far, not even outside the compound before he was drug back to his lessons.

"People are going to miss you. Parents, friends," Kisame said. Naruto shook his head. Kisame's eyes widened, "There's got to be someone, siblings, caretakers, teachers…"

Naruto's expression went pensive, "Well, I suppose Iruka-sensei might. He'd lose his edge without me around!" The boy grinned happily now. Itachi wasn't sure if his bravado was encouraging, only one teacher that _might_ miss him? The boy seemed friendly enough, even without parents, and that wasn't uncommon in Konaha, he should have other friends. Maybe others could sense his unstable chakra.

Kisame grinned back at him, "Well we wouldn't want that now, do we?" Naruto shook his head and stared at Kisame, seeming to only just realize what the man he was speaking to looked like. "Come one we'll drop you… well near Konaha. It's on our way." Naruto nodded eyes wide. Kisame looked over at Itachi, "and don't worry, we'll be careful," he told him, correctly interpreting Itachi's frown.

It took them an hour of walking to get to Konaha with the extra child. He stumbled along after them, making more noise than the other three put together. Itachi winced every time he stepped on a branch, his reactions became more agitated as they neared the wall.

"You're more paranoid than a senile war veteran, relax," Kisame grumbled.

"My paranoia will save us one day," Itachi retorted. Kisame just laughed.

They stopped at the edge of the clearing before the Konaha wall, no one willing to take the risk of being seen by half asleep watch men after dodging so many out lying patrols.

"Go ahead, kid," Kisame urged, "just step out and someone'll see you and take you in."

Naruto was frozen, staring at the wall. "Can't you come with me?" his eyes turned to Sasuke, desperate pleading in his gaze.

Sasuke shook his head sadly. It had been nearly a year since he'd spoken to someone other than Itachi or Kisame, he'd missed talking to someone his own age, for however brief it had been. "No, too dangerous. I don't think they'd be very happy to see us."

Naruto looked away and nodded and Itachi wondered if the boy was aware that he'd just been aided by rogue ninja. As Naruto began to walk into the clearing Itachi snatched Sasuke up into his arms and took off, not willing to take the risk of being seen by Konaha ninja in his black and red cloak in this expanse of green.

Sasuke kept silent, watching over his shoulder as the clearing grew smaller and the blonde hair was slowly eaten by the green shrubbery, for some reason wanting to memorize the exact color of the boy's hair.

It was four years before he saw it again.

TTT

AN: Fairly big time skip between this and next chapter. As cute as chibi Sasuke is, I'm not very good at child characterization and this was actually more than I'd originally had planned for child Sasuke. On the upside, hints of NaruSasu are going to start next and KisaIta should too 3. Anyway, let me know what you think, review!


	5. Meet Again

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: NO ONE :(

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2* SPOILERS! _Veeerry_ long chapter (7,128 words, 16 pgs). SHONEN AI!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python.

AN: Thank you to anybody reading this who also read 'Counselors' and 'Fish' :) I apologize to anyone and everyone who has read 'Pointless'. XP

Thank you to **Capricornia**, **kuzon234ray** and **Mizuki hikari** for reviewing the last chapter! :D

Chapter 5: Meet Again

Sasuke was wet. His hair was wet. His clothes were wet. Even his rations in the 'water proof bag' were wet.

"I hate the Land of Waves," he hissed.

"Really? I find it to be the best place in all the nations," Kisame sighed in relief.

"Why? All this water remind you of your childhood?" he quipped. Kisame swung Samehada off his back and Sasuke froze. He hadn't thought it had been that bad. They always argued and shot little insults at each other like this. The shark was overreacting a little… The sword swung up, hitting the moisture laden branches of the tree above Sasuke's head. It seemed like every drop rain that had hit that tree over the last two weeks poured down on him.

Shaking his long wet bangs out of his eyes Sasuke glared at the laughing shark. He turned to Itachi, who, as usual was ignoring Kisame's abuse. He wanted so badly to just wine 'aniki!' like he used to but knew Kisame would only increase his teasing if he did and Itachi would continue to ignore them.

Of course, this time there was a reason.

Sasuke had been with the Akatsuki for five years now. He'd began accompanying Itachi and Kisame on missions for two years. Pein had decided that it was time he truly joined.

"_He's twelve years old now, Itachi," Leader told him, "children from your village are full fledged ninja at this age. From my understanding, you were jonin years before the age he is now. I fail to see the problem."_

_Itachi kept silent. No matter what he said Pein's decision would remain the same._

"_What is it you want me to do?" Sasuke demanded. His brother seemed to think he was still a child, unable to do anything for himself. This may not be the best way to prove himself but he was ready for something like this._

_Pein's eyes were fixed on Itachi as he replied. "There is a man named Gato in the Land of Waves. He poses a threat to our organization. Kill him." His voice was perfectly even, as if he were suggesting a pleasant meeting instead of an assassination. He cocked his head slightly when Itachi remained silent and unchanged. "I assure you, this will be an easy mission, especially for someone who has already acquired the Sharingan and who has two such proficient companions. From what I know of him he is heavily guarded but by mere thugs. I would prefer that the Akatsuki not be incriminated in this. Please exercise discretion."_

Easy mission. That's what Pein had said. Just some information gathering to find out when he was least protected and they'd move in for the kill.

Of course, in Itachi's experience, it was never that easy.

TTT

"You mean you've got missing nin after you?" Naruto shrieked, finally catching up with the conversation going on around him.

Kakashi-sensei stopped mid sentence, his visible eye drooping in disbelief and the look of long suffering. "Yes Naruto, that's what the past ten minutes of talking have been about." He replied sarcastically. He turned back to Tanzuna and Sakura, ignoring the 'problem'.

Naruto pouted and glared, angry at being ignored. He turned away and saw Sai regarding him with his usual blank expression. When he noticed Naruto looking back he pasted on an obviously fake smile.

"Does the idea of being stalked by missing nin worry you?" Sai asked with that creepy smile and inflectionless voice, his expression making it seem more like morbid curiosity than friendly concern as he'd probably intended.

Naruto was so unnerved he couldn't even muster the proper gusto for a reply. His answer came off rather weak, "What? No, no I had dealings with missing nin before I was even out of the academy! They don't bother me!"

Sai kept that smile on his face but, same as Kakashi-sensei and even Sakura, ignored him. After a while the three of them seemed to come to a conclusion. From what Naruto could figure, they would accompany the old man to his bridge or where ever until assured of his safety. Naruto felt a slight thrill at the opportunity to prove himself in such a high level mission. Surely they'd be forced to acknowledge him then!

But only after the mission, it seemed, would any of them pay him any attention. For the rest of the trip no one took any notice of him except when he would shout out and forcefully call attention to himself, and then it was only to scold him.

After they'd landed on the island, Naruto suddenly felt determined to prove himself. He'd be valuable in this mission! He'd show Sai that he wasn't afraid, not of any half assed missing nin! He eagerly scouted ahead, looking fervently for such a chance.

"There!" he cried, hurling a shuriken into the shrubbery.

When no cry of pain or further movement was forthcoming he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Oops, musta' been a mouse," he hazarded. Kakashi sighed and Sakura yelled at him while Sai took over his earlier activity of scouting ahead.

'_Oh no, theres no way I'm gonna be showed up by Mr. Creepysmile_,' Naruto thought angrily. He sped ahead of Sai and cast quickly around for movement.

A branch twitched.

"Over there! This time for sure!" he screamed, barely aiming as he flung another shuriken. A scream was heard and he bounced over excitedly… only to discover he'd stabbed a bunny. "Gah! I'm sorry bunny! Please don't die!"

Sakura began to spaz out on him. Naruto grinned and blushed, more excited at the fact that she was really saying anything to him than what she was actually saying.

"Oh no what should we do?" he wailed.

"We could eat it," Sai said.

"WHAT?" Sakura and Naruto yelled in unison, probably the only thing they would ever agree on.

Sai looked back at them with a look that almost approached confused. "If the rabbit is dead, then there's no point wasting it."

"Sai that's sick!" Sakura shrieked at the same time Naruto yelled, "What, you want us to eat you next time you're wounded?" He quickly redoubled his efforts to revive the rabbit.

Suddenly a large shadow fell over him.

TTT

"Stop," Itachi said sharply. Both Sasuke and Kisame froze, stepping in behind him in a familiar attack/defense position. "You've been discovered, come out," Itachi ordered in a voice that very few ever disobeyed and none of those living.

"Hey Kisame, tell your bitch to calm down," a rough deep voice said.

Sasuke was aware of Itachi's scowl deepening and felt the surge of chakra as his brother's mangekyo flared into life. He was sure that the man who jumped down from the overhead branches would have been dead in the next ten seconds if it weren't for Kisame's familiar cry.

"Zabuza, been a long time," Kisame greeted him in a not overly friendly way, but his sword lowered a fraction and he certainly wasn't attacking. Hesitantly, Itachi and Sasuke followed his example. "And he's not my 'bitch'," Kisame mentioned almost as an after thought. Itachi's face would soon be stuck like that permanently if he didn't let up on that scowl, Sasuke thought.

The man who stood before them was nearly as big as Kisame. He kind of reminded Sasuke of an almost normal version of Kisame, giant sword and all.

He grunted at that last statement. "A boy then huh? Never would have guessed that," he sneered.

"Stop attacking my partner and tell me why you're here already," Kisame grumbled, sounding friendlier than he had since this man had appeared.

Sasuke heard a slight sound, a clink of fine metal on metal. He spun around where he'd thought he'd heard it, activating his new Sharingan. Of the three of them he had the best hearing, Itachi and Kisame probably hadn't heard. His Sharingan was still uncertain; he'd developed it only last month, on a risky mission when a mark had gotten a tad too close to Itachi with a sword. But it was strong enough to detect the entirely _wrong_ shape not twenty feet away in the overhead branches.

"You too, come out, if you're with him," he snapped. He held a shuriken ready in his hand, incase this wasn't another friend of Kisame's. It was entirely ridiculous really, the way people seemed to think it was a good idea in the slightest to sneak up on them. It happened often and was usually to their favor but you got tired of it after a while.

A blur appeared and settled in the form of what Sasuke would assume was a boy. He had on loose shapeless clothes as well as a white and red mask that made the assumption uncertain and long perfect hair. What was visible of the boy's skin was silky smooth and the color of cream. Sasuke found himself extremely confused.

The boy(?) bowed and murmured a quick apology before flickering again and standing beside Zabuza.

"Impressive kid, to find Haku," Zabuza growled, seeming more chagrined than impressed.

Haku bowed his head in a position of shame and submission. "It was me, Zabuza. I fumbled, I am sorry."

Zabuza seemed to consider this then shrugged, "Probably better. They don't seem like someone we'd want to jump at the moment."

"Why is that? Have you got better things to do?" Kisame growled. He seemed livid now after the realization that they'd nearly been ambushed by this supposed friend. His sword was back up and he was tensed in preparation for a fight. "Tell me Zabuza, why are you here?"

Zabuza shrugged and pushed the end of his own sword into the dirt and leaned his arms on the wide base, apparently at ease. "Came into a good job for a man called Gato. A simple assassination on some old man." He replied, his voice smug. "You?"

Kisame smirked in complete satisfaction. "Same here, assassination. Only the _mark_ is a man called Gato."

Zabuza straightened up of his sword and pulled it from the ground, all with very relaxed movements as if to hide the fact that he too was getting battle ready. "I'm sorry I can't let you do that Kisame. Not yet." He held the sword with an ease that astounded Sasuke and quite convinced him that this man could effortlessness wield this blade taller than Sasuke.

Itachi's eyes, their movement clearly visible with the red highlighting them, slid from the two swordsmen to the boy at Zabuza's side. "An interesting mask he has there," Itachi stated, "I know some people who would b very interested to learn that someone has been impersonating their hunter nin and would pay very well for that person's _recovery_."

The wrappings around Zabuza's mouth twisted in what appeared to be a grin and Sasuke was reminded of Kisame's habit of smiling before pummeled enemy ninja into the dirt. Luckily it didn't seem like their encounter was quite at that magnitude yet. Zabuza kept the smile in place as he replied, "well then it's good were among such good friends that are going to keep this little secret." Itachi didn't reply, just continued to watch Haku as Haku watched Zabuza. "Tell you what," Zabuza continued, "since we're all such great friends I'll make you an offer. Don't kill Gato yet, and when our job is done and we've been paid I'll give you all the information we have on Gato. Hell, he's an annoying bugger, I might even lend you a hand, completely free of charge." He let the sword drop with one hand (Sasuke glared when the blade didn't drop a single iota from now being held with one hand) and held it out in an offer of truce, "We get paid and you don't mess with us, you complete you're mission and get a little help. Agreed?"

Kisame and Sasuke looked at Itachi who nodded after a fraction. Zabuza held his hand out a little more insistently. Itachi stared at him, "You must be joking. You think I'm going to come within reach of that sword?"

Zabuza withdrew his hand, "Good to see we're building a foundation of trust," he laughed and let his sword tip drop. After a second Kisame mirrored him.

Haku's head suddenly shot up, "Zabuza…"

Zabuza barely glanced at him as he sheathed the sword on his back and gave them a mocking salute. "See you later." Both boy and man disappeared.

Itachi glanced at Kisame. "Who was that?"

"Zabuza Mamochi of Hidden Mist, or formerly," Kisame rumbled. He appeared lost in thought as he turned and continued on their original course.

"Clearly. He's in the bingo book," Sasuke huffed, he let the Sharingan drop after a quick look around to make sure the pair had truly left. "How is it that you know him?"

"We were in the Seven swordsmen, back when we were still Mist."

"Can he be trusted?" Itachi asked.

Kisame laughed, "Trust? A Missing Nin? From Mist too, of course not!" He trailed off chuckling and waved off Itachi's scowl without glancing around. "Now if you mean can we rely on him to follow through on his offer, yes. One hundred percent. As long as we follow through on our end I'm sure he'd be glad to help us."

Sasuke frowned, going over the man's offer, "depending on how long it takes him to finish his assassination we could be stuck here for a very long time."

"Well then we'll just have to take some time to enjoy the island won't we?" Kisame replied fondly. He chortled as the Uchihas gave him mirrored looks of disbelief and abhorrence.

Time off. An Uchiha's worst nightmare.

TTT

A week.

They'd been here a week and in all that time had done nothing. Kisame had donned a genjutsu that, while not very well done, allowed him to go among the island people without too much notice. Sasuke and Itachi had been dragged with him a couple times but mostly Itachi stayed in the small inn room they'd rented and read, as well as working on new jutsu. Sasuke was pretty sure he'd developed and perfected three of them by now, though he usually didn't hang around to watch. Being cooped up indoors had always driven him crazy. It probably had something to do with the way aniki had ordered him to stay in either their room at the base or inns like this one all through his younger years. When he could slip passed Kisame and Itachi he headed out into the woods to train where he wouldn't be disturbed.

It was on such a training excursion that he saw him.

Well actually, he heard him first.

"Stupid Sai! Thinks he's so great! Sakura doesn't even look at me! Kakashi thinks I'm stupid! They're stupid!" Between each sentence there was scrapping sound and a 'thwump' like something hitting the ground.

Interest piqued, Sasuke slunk closer for a look.

A blonde boy about his own age stood before a tree, kunai in hand. As he watched, the boy backed up and took a run at the tree, teeth gritted in determination. He hit the tree and Sasuke felt a flare of chakra as they boy began to run up the side. It was only seconds later that he lost traction and began to fall. Quickly his hand shot out and made a gouge in the bark, the scrapping noise Sasuke had heard before. Sasuke noticed that there were marks all the way up to ten feet above ground level on the tree, most of them grouped at about the same height. He also noticed that this latest mark was much lower than the highest. Judging from the amount of marks and the state of the boy's dirt-stained orange clothing he'd been at this for a while. The blonde boy was getting worse with practice.

Sasuke frowned. Running up the side of a tree couldn't be that hard. He ran across the branches of trees quite often and found it rather easy. Maybe this boy wasn't very bright. After a quick glance around to make sure there was no one else around he stepped out from behind his cover.

The boy caught sight of him right in the middle of a run. His eyes went wide and he tried to slow his steps. Unfortunately his toe caught on a root and he went sprawling. Sasuke watched him as he rose slowly to his feet, cursing quietly.

The boy's head suddenly whipped up to glare at him. Sasuke was caught off guard by the boy's eyes. They were the most intense shade of blue he'd ever seen, at the moment they burned with anger and embarrassment making them even more alluring. "Oi, bastard, you distracted me!" Sasuke blinked in surprise when he realized that that obnoxious voice was coming from the same boy who had those amazing eyes.

Sasuke sneered to hide his sudden discomfort. "Well you weren't doing so hot before I came out so I don't see what the problem is."

The boy's face flushed a fascinating tone of red and he bit his lip in anger. "Hey don't talk to me like that! I'm a ninja! And ninja deserve respect!" His hands came up to grip his headband on either side of the carved metal plate.

Sasuke lost his smile abruptly, all his attention focused on that sheet of metal. "You're from Konaha?" he gasped, taking a few eager steps closer to the boy.

The boy took a few steps back in response. "Yeah, that a problem?" His hands came up in a threatening pose.

Sasuke held his hands up in a placating gesture, "There's nothing wrong with that, I'm from Konaha too, my brother and I, ah, emigrated from there."

The blonde dropped his hands, "Oh that's it then, just happy to see someone else from there, huh?" he laughed and linked his hands behind his head, totally at ease now.

Sasuke nodded, and stared at this boy, he had so much information about his lost village and Sasuke wanted to know it all "Could you tell me how the village is doing? Is Iruka-sensei still teaching at the academy? What about-"

"Whoa, whoa, you know Iruka-sensei? You couldn't have gone to the academy, you're not a ninja!" The blonde exploded.

Sasuke frowned and folded his arms across chest, "I am a ninja."

"No you're not were's your headband?" The blonde demanded. "Real ninja have headbands!"

"I only attended the first day of the academy but I've learned from some of the best there is," Sasuke snapped. He hated it when people doubted his abilities and especially this idiot who couldn't even climb a tree… "Hell, I could probably do better than you at that damn tree climbing exercise!"

The blond sniffed, "I'd like to see you try!"

Sasuke growled and stalked over to the tree. He drew a kunai from his pouch so that he could mark the tree when he got higher than the annoying blonde boy and he wouldn't be able to argue. Taking a deep breath and focusing his chakra he took a run at the tree like he'd seen the blonde boy do. He hit the tree and for awhile his momentum kept him going up. He felt himself slipping only five feet up and quickly sent a burst of chakra too his feet. It was too much and the bark broke but he managed to equal out his chakra before he fell. He barely managed to make it passed the other boy's highest mark before falling back to earth.

Sasuke managed to land on his feet instead of falling on his butt like the blonde, he thought that scored him an extra point at least. He was extremely disappointed at the height he'd gotten to, only two feet higher than the other boy. He didn't let it show though; he put on a cocky smirk and turned to face the other boy.

"How's that for a ninja?" He sneered.

The boy glared accusingly at the tree. "Hmph, that's nothing. I could do better!" He backed up and ran at the tree once again. He flailed for a second when he reached the ten feet mark but held out for a little longer until he was able to place his mark above Sasuke's.

"Haha! Beat that!" The blonde turned to him, hands planted proudly on his hips and challenging grin on his lips.

Sasuke smirked and rushed forward to accept his challenge.

TTT

Itachi was lying in his bed in the dark, back turned to the door, facing the wall. Kisame sighed. He'd only ever seen this happen a few times and usually tried to bring the boy out of it before Sasuke could see him like this. He'd grown rather attached to both brothers over the years and always tried to take care of them as much as was possible. And if taking care of them meant keeping Sasuke from seeing Itachi's depression he would do it. Because Itachi was depressed. It didn't show very often, he remained strong and constant for Sasuke but occasionally he'd slip under. He was sure Sasuke would have been the same after their clan was killed if it wasn't for Itachi always being there, taking care of him, helping him through the minor panic attacks he used to get and comforting him after the nightmares. Despite all the terrible things he'd had to go through Sasuke had been very young when it had happened and didn't truly understand the full import of it all and he'd had Itachi. Itachi hadn't had anybody.

That was another thing that kept Kisame always here, pulling Itachi out of his grief and back into the world. Itachi hadn't had anyone. Kisame hadn't known him well enough to realize it when they first became partners so he tried his best to help him now.

"Itachi, get up," Kisame ordered, there was no response so he walked over to poke his partner in the ribs, knowing that Itachi was ticklish there. He groaned and squirmed away, his black head disappearing under the covers with the rest of him. "Get up, you're going out with me."

"I'm flattered but no thanks," Itachi mumbled still hiding under the blanket.

Kisame tugged the blanket off and reached out a hand to drag the still fully clothed Uchiha to his feet. "We are going out, we are going to have fun, and we are hopefully going to get very, _very _drunk." He kept hold of Itachi's wrist and pulled the smaller man after him out into the hall of the inn and out into the street. Once there he still didn't let go but led Itachi in search of entertainment.

Itachi stumbled after him, glaring at anyone who looked a little too long at him. He wasn't wearing his Akatsuki cloak, just a black v-neck shirt over the fishnet and comfortable but very tight pants. While it wasn't unusual for people to wear fishnet in an island fishing village, Itachi looked very good in fishnet. Not that Kisame would say anything about it. He rather liked all his fingers and other appendages.

"Where are we going?" Itachi said after he'd managed to free his wrist from Kisame's grip. "And where's Sasuke?"

Kisame grinned happily when Itachi continued to walk by his side. "I saw Sasuke head out into the woods with his weapons pouch this morning, he's probably still there, not sure. But enough about that brother of yours," he slapped Itachi on the back making him stumble briefly, "We are going to find a restaurant and I'm going to make you try real sea food."

"I've had fish before, you can find it anywhere."

Kisame gave him a disgusted look, "Sure you've had _fish_. What you haven't had is _sea_ fish freshly caught, prepared by someone who knows how to not mangle the dish. Believe me, Itachi, you have not had fish yet-"

"You have a very strange obsession with fish," Itachi stated.

Kisame stared at him then broke out in a grin. "Did you just make a fish based sex joke?"

"Of course not, that would be childish," Itachi dead-panned.

Kisame chuckled and led him into the nearest building that looked like it could serve food.

It turned out to be a bar, not that that deterred Kisame at all. "This fits in perfectly with the 'get very drunk' part of the outing," he exclaimed as he pushed Itachi down onto a bar stool. He hurriedly asked the bar man if he served any food. The man nodded and Kisame ordered some of the best food he had and a drink for both of them.

"I'm not drinking that, you know I don't drink," Itachi sulked. He didn't like the dirty bar or the dirty men who were looking at him. In regards to those men he wasn't sure which was more disturbing, the one's who had had too much to drink and didn't realize they were making sheep's eyes at a man or the ones who were just drunk enough that they didn't care.

"Oh relax it'll make you feel better. You've been really mope-y since Sasuke got that mission," Kisame said cheerfully.

Itachi stared at him, looked at his too happy grin, the way he leaned a little too heavily on the counter… "How much have you already drank today?" How had he not noticed earlier? And that smell on Kisame's breath as he leaned closer.

"Oh, not that much, something like… five." Kisame spread his hand out in front of him, counting his fingers. At Itachi's scandalized look he grinned and dropped the act. "Relax Itachi. Five is barely enough to really get me drunk. Although it really messes with appetite." The last part said with a smile at the girl who came over and set their food in front of them. "Thank you!"

The girl smiled back at him and Itachi realized that the 'girl' was actually a couple years older than himself. She was very pretty too, and from the way she looked at Kisame she found him attractive as well, or at least his genjutsu.

Itachi looked away from the pretty smiling girl in favor of his food. He almost regretted it. Their so called food was some sort of spider looking thing wrapped in batter and deep fried. There was red sauce with it that looked spicy but he totally ignored that for one piece of the spiderfries that looked like it had eyes.

"What is this?" He demanded of the serving girl.

The girl was forced to take here eyes away from her attempts to flirt with Kisame to answer him. "Calamari."

Itachi nodded his thanks then gave her a pointed look that said she was dismissed.

Kisame didn't seem to notice her departure but reached out and picked up one of the 'calamari', dipping it into the red sauce and making it appear even less appetizing. He held it out to Itachi. "Say 'ahh'," he instructed.

Itachi glared passed the food at him, "I am not letting you feed me and I am not eating that thing."

"Come on Itachi, it's really very good."

Itachi glared at it. "This is you're wonderful 'real sea food'?"

Kisame raised his eyebrow, he sure was digging his heals in against this. "Boy you're bitchy today. And what did you expect? This is a bar," he waved his hands around and Itachi was forced to once again acknowledge the staring drunks.

Itachi glared at him. That was the second time he'd been called a bitch this week and it wasn't as if it were his choice to come to a bar.

Kisame held the food out to him again. Annoyance caused Itachi to give in; maybe once he tried it Kisame would leave him alone. He leaned forward, parting his lips slightly. As Kisame brought the food closer Itachi flicked out his tongue and curled it around the morsel, not wanting to touch Kisame's fingers with his mouth.

He chewed slowly and swallowed with a grimaced. The taste wasn't bad, other than being deep fried it was very good, the texture was the problem. Too chewy, and then the batter made it crunchy. Itachi didn't find it appealing in the least.

He looked up at Kisame, expecting to see him laughing at his discomfort. Instead the shark man was staring at him. Itachi shifted, truly uncomfortable now. The movement seemed to bring Kisame out of whatever thought he'd been having and he smiled, banishing the moment.

He gestured to Itachi's glass of beer, "If it's that bad Itachi wash it down with something to drink."

"Kisame, I don't drink."

"Well you should start!" Kisame said, so emphatically that Itachi was almost convinced.

He let out a sigh and picked up the glass. Gazing at Kisame over the rim he told him firmly, "Just one."

Kisame grinned at him as he tipped the glass back.

TTT

Sasuke gripped the tree as it swayed in the breeze. He'd never noticed how windy it got all the way up here above the tops of the trees. A little ways away, the blonde boy also clung to the top of a tree, looking out over the trees to the village. They were sweaty, dirty and thoroughly exhausted.

"Wanna get down?" The blonde's voice came to him on the wind. Sasuke nodded and together they made their way down to ground level. The moment the blonde's feet touched the ground the rest of him followed and he flopped to the ground at the foot of the tree. Sasuke smiled tiredly as the boy looked at him vaguely perplexed as he walked over and dropped to the ground beside him.

"Ok, that was pretty good," he muttered.

The boy looked over at him, blue eyes shining as he said, "I know, I totally whooped your ass!"

"No you didn't," Sasuke said simply. He dusted dirt from his hands and knees.

"Yeah! Yeah I did!" he insisted. Sasuke shook his head and then leaned it back against the tree. He felt the boy's gaze on him as he closed his eyes and smiled at nothing, just enjoying the night air. "Ok, I s'pose we both did pretty amazing," he consented.

Sasuke turned to look at the other boy. He was in the same position as Sasuke had been in previously, only his eyes where open as he gazed at the sky. Again Sasuke marveled at his eyes. They where a blue he hadn't known existed. Once he, Kisame and aniki had gone to the mountains and seen a pool that was spring fed. It was so cold and crystal clear, pure; he'd thought that was the most beautiful blue he'd ever seen. It could not compare to this boy's eyes.

Sasuke blushed at finding himself thinking such thoughts. About a _boy_. A boy whose name he didn't even know. At least one of those things he could remedy. "Hey, what's your name?"

His finger thrust out dramatically, the blonde yelled with new fervor, "Naruto Uzumaki! And don't you forget it because someday, I'm going to be Hokage!" He stayed frozen like that a moment longer, staring determinedly off into the distance. Finally he turned to find Sasuke gazing at him. "Oh, right, what's your name?"

"Sasuke Uchi…" he cut off abruptly. Even if it had been more than five years people still probably knew who the Uchiha were, he didn't want to call that kind of attention to himself.

"Sasuke Uchi," Naruto repeated, he grinned, "It suites you!"

Sasuke snorted; at least the blonde hadn't noticed the slip. And god he had a great smile. "It should, it's my name after all."

"Haha, right. Makes sense."

Sasuke was entranced by those smiling blue eyes once again. He reached out a hand, fingers caressing Naruto's cheek below his eye and over the strange whisker marks. He guessed it made sense, for an Uchiha to be so fascinated by eyes… Sasuke suddenly became aware of something very strange. There was something warm and soft pressed against his lips and it felt very nice. He opened eyes he couldn't remember closing and peered through his lashes at tanned skin and whiskered cheeks.

He could feel cloth beneath his fingers and realized he was gripping the other boy's shoulder. Luckily he wasn't the only one holding on to the other. Naruto's hand was, at the moment, resting on his hip uncertainly. I fluttered there for a second before sliding down to his knee then back up in a sort of petting gesture. Sasuke decided he rather enjoyed the sensation and relaxed again into the feel of the other boy's lips.

Naruto suddenly pulled away, leaving Sasuke looking like an idiot still in the position he'd been during the kiss. Luckily Naruto wasn't looking at him; his eyes were focused on his hands in his lap as he wrung them. One hand cradled the other, the one that had been touching Sasuke.

"Umm, yeah. So umm-" his eyes flickered up briefly to meet Sasuke's, who half expected him to have something intelligent to say. Instead Naruto's face flamed red and he averted his eyes again. "Yeah…"

Sasuke smiled. He hadn't thought it was possible but this blonde was actually kind of cute. At least when he was blushing like that.

Sasuke sighed and stood, "Come on, it's late we should get back." He turned to hold his hand out to the blonde who hesitantly accepted. Once on his feet Naruto gripped his hand tightly and pulled Sasuke forward until there lips met again.

Naruto pulled away after barely three seconds and grinned at him. "Sorry, had to make sure it wasn't just the spur of the moment that made it, well, so awesome." He linked his fingers behind his head in that same at ease position as before.

"Idiot," Sasuke muttered, Naruto just kept smiling.

"Bye then!"

Sasuke watched him for a while before turning to continue on his own way. So. He'd just had his first kiss. With Naruto. A boy. He frowned, a sudden thought creeping in, '_does this make me gay_?'

TTT

Itachi watched his partner tip back the seventh drink since they'd got there. He frowned, he seemed to do that a lot when it came to Kisame.

"You should… umm…" Itachi suddenly became very distracted by a line of condensation dripping down his own glass. The glass wasn't even cold, how could there be condensation? Maybe it was raining in here. Itachi shook his head firmly. Silly, unimportant thoughts, he should stop drinking.

That thought in mind he spun around on his stool and attempted to get down. Attempted being the key word. They were not made for Itachi sized people, his toes were a good deal away from touching the ground. He scooted to the edge and pointed his toes, trying to reach the ground.

He blinked up at Kisame from his place on the ground. Itachi wondered briefly how he'd gotten there. Then it occurred to him. "Kisame, I fell down," he stated solemnly.

A woman beside him (or on the stool that used to be beside him) laughed. "I think you should probably get this poor boy home," she said to Kisame.

"Right you are ma'am," Kisame agreed happily, Itachi was learning he was a very happy drunk, he loved everybody. Itachi glared as Kisame stood from his stool. His feet touched the ground even when he was properly seated. He reached down and pulled Itachi to his feet and looped an arm around his waist. "Come on Itachi, I'll help you walk."

Feeling the amount of weight and lean on his side from the shark man, Itachi thought that was a very contradictory statement. They stumbled there way out of the bar with a few helpful shoves and pushes in the right direction.

"God I think we were the drunkest people in there," Itachi grumbled.

"Well, now we're not in there."

"Now we're just the drunkest people out here," Itachi agreed.

Kisame shrugged, nearly upsetting their balance and sending them both sprawling. "We'll go find some drunker people. You look at the signs, I'll watch out for people."

Itachi stared at the sign on the building just beyond the bar. He shook his head. "I can't read that."

"…what?" Kisame wobbled them to a stop and turned to look at Itachi. "Why not, something wrong with your eyes?"

Itachi squinted at the sign and nodded. "At first I thought it was just because I was so used to the Sharingan that everything looked blurry. But it's my vision that is going, not my perception." Kisame could see the Uchiha visibly droop and realized he wouldn't be in the mood for any more partying. His shoulders fell and he led Itachi back to the inn. They stopped as they came to the foot of the stairs. The inn had three floors. Their room was on the third floor.

Itachi stared up the stairs as if he was expected to scale a cliff. Kisame started up the stairs and Itachi began to squirm and finally dropped out of his grip onto the first step. From there he proceeded to slowly climb up the stairs on his hands and knees. Kisame watched his progress faintly bemused. At last he followed him up the stairs. Once they were both at the top Itachi put out a hand to stop him going any further. He took hold of Kisame's pants leg and began to pull himself to his feet.

Kisame felt vaguely uncomfortable having the younger man climb up him like this. Fortunately Itachi did not continue up his pants leg but switched to his sleeve until he was clinging to Kisame's shoulder.

"The ground moves more the higher you get," he informed Kisame. He tugged him in the direction of their room and nearly walked right passed it when they got there.

Kisame pushed Itachi in before him an earned himself a glare. He looked around the empty room, remembering that there was something missing. Oh, yeah. "Where's Sasuke?" Itachi didn't seem to be listening to him. He walked around the room and began cleaning, of all things. "Itachi, what are you doing?"

Itachi still seemed to be ignoring him. He dropped onto his bed and stared at his hands. Kisame sighed and leaned against the wall. Apparently taking Itachi out hadn't helped any, he appeared to be the kind of person who got upset when he was drunk. They stayed like that for a while, and then Itachi began to talk.

"Sasuke used to be very happy." Itachi said to his hands, because the way he was talking it couldn't have been to Kisame. He smirked, a strangely fond look in his eyes, "bratty, jealous, and incredibly possessive but happy. And it's my fault that has changed." Itachi's eyes went blank.

"Itachi, you've taken care of Sasuke for almost half of his life. He loves you. You're probably the only reason why he's maintained even a bit of that smile he occasionally shows," Kisame insisted. He didn't like the way this was going.

Itachi gave a bitter, humorless laugh. "I've lied to him for years, and for some reason he trusts me. I am the reason why he could have stopped smiling!"

Kisame frowned walking across the room to stand in front of Itachi but hesitated to touch him. "Itachi…"

"I did it," Itachi blurted, Kisame felt badly shaken. It was unlike his partner to say anything without cause or thought; this completely skewered his perception of the world. "I killed them. All of them. I didn't want to. But it was orders. I had to follow them or they would have come in and killed all of us." Kisame's hand had been halfway to Itachi's shoulder but he froze as he realized what Itachi was saying. He continued as if Kisame hadn't moved at all, "I couldn't let that happen. Not to him. I had to protect him. Father always told me 'it's your responsibility to protect him'." He was trembling, hands fisted so tightly that his nails must be cutting into his skin. "So I did. I have. I took him away from that place of death and brought him into the nest of criminals." He stopped and looked down at the hand suddenly gripping his shoulder. He sat there for so long Kisame grew nervous. Itachi didn't cut off his hand; instead he wrapped his arms around himself, holding onto the hand on his shoulder. Kisame sat down beside him, watching him for any further break downs.

"My clan is gone too," Kisame started hesitantly, "And it wasn't orders they didn't _have_ to do it they wanted to."

"I know," Itachi said, Kisame could tell all his attention was focused on Kisame, trying to keep his mind away from those thoughts, "You've told me."

"I told you that they killed each other. That wasn't entirely true. I did my fair share, I'll admit, but it was all against people I'd been raised to hate. Then it was just down to three of us. The head of the opposing force, myself… and my brother." Itachi's eyes widened in surprise but he didn't comment, still keeping all his focus on Kisame. "We killed him of course; there was no way he could have won against us. I was happy. We were finally free of all the fighting. All I wanted to do was burn the whole place to the ground and go to Kirigakure," Kisame's hand tightened briefly on Itachi's shoulder in anger, "but that _idiot_ wanted to revive the clan. I told him he could go ahead and do that, I was going to become a real ninja and fight for something actually worth it. But he wouldn't let me leave. I burned the place down as his funeral pyre." Kisame glanced down as Itachi shifted to lean against his side, both of his hands now holding onto Kisame's. "Believe me, Itachi," Kisame slowly wrapped his arm around Itachi's shoulders, "you are the definition of perfect even if you don't know it."

He wasn't sure what it was, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he really had not wanted to stop it but whatever it was when he saw Itachi lean towards him he let it happen. He pressed his lips against Kisame's. Kisame pulled him closer and Itachi's arms wrapped around his neck as the kiss deepened.

The taste and feel of his lips was intoxicating, but maybe that was just the alcohol too.

TTT

AN: I had no one to check this over for me, so if there's any mistakes please tell me. I'm not entirely happy with my KisaIta stuff. But I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think, review :)


	6. The Bridge

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2* a lot of jumping perspectives in this chapter, hope it doesn't get confusing.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python.

Thank you to **AlchemyGaara** and **kuzon234ray** for reviewing the last chapter :D

Sorry this has taken so _very_ long -_-"

Chapter 6: The Bridge

Itachi groaned. Sweat poured down his face and his whole body tightened in spasms. Kisame's fingers massaged soothing circles on his back, trying to ease the tension from his body.

"Relax, Itachi, it will pass soon," Kisame urged.

"It better," Itachi growled. This did not seem worth the brief moments of pleasure. He shifted on his knees, they were starting to hurt from all the kneeling. "Why aren't you here?"

"Because I have better tolerance than you," Kisame replied smugly.

"What does that have to do with it?"

A knock came at the door. "Aniki are you guys finished in there yet?"

"Not yet, your brother's almost done."

Itachi sure didn't feel like it, it felt like he could be here for quite a while. "Fuck you, Kisame. This is all your fault."

"It's not my fault you're so delicate," Kisame chuckled. Itachi glared at the floor, the asshole was getting pleasure from his misery.

"If I hadn't eaten those stupid _things_!"

"Hey the food had nothing to do with it, this is most likely the fault of the x number of beer you had," Kisame laughed.

Itachi couldn't reply as another spasm shook him. He whimpered and leaned his forehead against the side of the cool porcelain. _God_, he hated throwing up. He reached up and fumbled for the handle and flushed the evidence of his hangover away. Then he slowly crawled over to the sink to rinse his mouth out.

"Aniki? Are you ok in there?" there was a pause from Sasuke at the door. "He isn't raping you is he?"

Itachi snorted, "As if he could." He stood gradually on shaking legs and stumbled out of the bathroom to his bed.

Footsteps, far too loud for his aching head, approached the bed. It jostled as the owner of those footsteps sat down beside him on the bed. He moaned and lashed out blindly, when that only caused further pain he went limp against the covers, throwing an arm over his eyes. "So, what have we learned?" Sasuke's voice laughed.

Itachi moved his arm a fraction to glare at him. "That little brothers should mind their own business and shark men should be killed when they mention alcohol."

Sasuke poked him and grinned, "That _older_ brothers should listen to the advice they give to _younger_ brothers."

"Leave me alone."

"Ok," Sasuke patted his head and stood up making the bed jiggle again. "I'm going to go train. Kisame," Itachi pictured Sasuke's face as he gaze the shark a listen to me look, "It _is_ your fault he's… sick so you've got to take care of him."

"Yes Sasuke-sensei," Kisame replied mockingly.

"Hn." Footsteps stomped across the floor and a moment later the door slammed.

TTT

It started out the same as usual. Sai woke up, he got dressed, ate and, because Naruto was still sleeping and recovering, he, Kakashi-sensei, Sakura and Tanzuna headed for the bridge. He knew things were going to be different the moment they arrived. The workers were out cold on the bridge. Best case scenario, the workers were injured; Sai was willing to bet dead. Tanzuna immediately broke from their protection and ran to his fallen men.

"What happened?" the old man demanded.

Sai felt anticipatory tingles down his spine as the man replied, "monster."

The air around them thickened as mist crept in. Sakura screamed something unintelligible and began babbling. Sai ignored it and focused on the surrounding mist and the voice that seemed to come from nowhere and all around them. "Long time no see Kakashi." A laugh seemed to close in on all sides. "Can you see me?"

A shift in the air. Sai's fingers flitted to his weapons holster as water clones appeared around them. He smiled as he drew the weapons. "Yes." With the speed and aim that he had learned in root he eliminated all the clones. Water burst from their ruptured bodies and fell around their defensive circle.

"Impressive," Zabuza said. Sai's eyes tracked the sound to about twenty feet in front of them, "not surprising, considering his last performance. Tell me, Kakashi, he can not truly be a simple genin, can he?"

Sai's body tensed, he barely heard the warning Kakashi gave before he was at the other end of the bridge, right in front the masked 'hunter' boy. "No," Sai replied mildly, "if you like I could give you a demonstration."

TTT

Naruto stretched and yawned widely as he sat up in bed. He looked around him blearily before comprehending what he was seeing. The three other bed rolls that had contained his team when he'd gone to sleep the night before were empty!

"Dammit!" He screamed and jumped to his feet, getting ready in record time. They'd left without him! How could they leave without him? Kakashi said he could help guard Tanzuna today, why would they leave without him? "I'm leaving," he yelled to Tsunami as he rushed out the door. He was already gone by the time she yelled a response.

He bounced hurriedly through the trees, taking the most direct route to the bridge. This course was also on line with the impromptu training field he'd been using to work on his chakra control. He wondered if that Sasuke boy would be there. He smiled slightly and flushed in embarrassment remembering how bold he'd been the night before. Of course the other boy had started it.

Thoughts about the dark haired boy nearly distracted him from seeing the destruction that ran on a clear line through the forest back the way he'd come. Luckily the dead boar caught his attention. He came to an abrupt halt and stared at the dead beast. The wheels began to turn in his head and slowly it dawned on him. Quickly he turned around and headed back the way he'd come.

He'd just arrived back when he heard someone scream, it sounded like Inari. He raced toward the front of the house and saw two huge bruisers standing with Tsunami between them. Inari rushed at them and the two men stepped forward, weapons raised.

Naruto didn't think, just acted. His hands moved rapidly through the signs and four shadow doppelgangers appeared at his side. One darted forward to snatch Tsunami away to safety as he dashed over to save Inari. The swords of the two men crashed into the boards right behind him, cutting through the stump that had replaced Inari. "Sorry for being late," he said to the boy and couldn't help but smile as the two thugs gasped in surprise, "but a hero usually shows up at the last second. Great job, Inari. Thanks to you distracting them I was able to save your mom."

The thugs turned to him angrily and yelled at him. Naruto grinned and reached for his weapons holster, hurling a shuriken toward them. One laughed, "Like that will work against us!"

His two shadow doppelgangers rushed up behind them, taking advantage of the distraction he created. "Idiot." The clones jumped the men, taking them down immediately and quickly tying them up.

Naruto breathed a little easier once the two were safely restrained. He took a moment to talk to Inari before turning back to the forest and the bridge. He bolted through the trees, adding chakra to his leaps and bounds between the branches. He had to hurry, if Inari's home had been hit that could only mean that the attack they'd been waiting for had finally happened. Tanzuna and the others would be in danger.

Naruto nodded to himself and doubled his speed. He'd get there and save the day!

TTT

The bridge was silent; the only noise the sound of Sai and the masked boy's weapons clashing. Zabuza stood back and watched, seeming confident in his subordinate's skills. Sai frowned fleetingly and suddenly retreated from the battle, doing a series of back flips until he was on the opposite side of the bridge from Haku. He reached into the pocket on his hip and withdrew a scroll and brush. He made quick bold strokes on the page and hand signs.

"I am sorry to have to cut our battle short but I believe it is time to end it," Sai smiled. The ink rose from the paper, slowly taking form into a jungle cat. It seemed to snarl soundlessly and dashed through the air at Haku.

Haku retreated from its inky claws and seemed to stare at it in shock. It went on like that for a time, the ink creature snarling and slashing the air in an attempt land a hit, Haku ducking and weaving away from it each time. Suddenly Haku stopped, turning to face the beast. The cat stopped its all out assault, seeming wary and prowled forward. Haku calmly began making hand signs, eyes fixed the whole time on the ink creatures progress. Abruptly his hands stopped moving, the exact moment the ink creature stopped its advance.

Haku almost seemed to smile, there was something cocky in his stance. "You should be careful of your chosen attacks and know your opponents abilities, it could come back to you." He made a quick sign and the ink creature whipped around to face its creator and continued its slow stalk toward Sai. Its movements were not as fluid as before, they were jerky and almost unwilling, as if it was being forced against its will. "There is water in ink, after all."

Sai's eyes widened in surprise and he backed away from the cat. Haku directed the cat to follow his every step. Sai stepped up his speed and the cat followed just as quickly. Sai looked around gauging the distance he had to work with. He had enough room to work with, space between himself and Tanzuna. First he had to release the jutsu and then take care of the hunter boy… Naruto chose that moment to join in the fight.

"Watch it!" he cried. His fist swung down in a powerful arc toward Haku's head. Only to Haku he seemed to be moving in slow motion. He easily side stepped the wild swing and spun, kicking Naruto in the stomach and sending him flying into the guardrails of the bridge. Naruto slumped there a moment before jumping to his feet again and charging him. Haku paid him little attention as he watched Sai release the ink cat and begin making hand signs again. Haku calmly drew another senbon and hurled it at the leaf ninja. He didn't expect it to hit, it was just a distraction to prevent him from completing the jutsu. He failed to remember Naruto who flung a shuriken to intercept the senbon's path as Sai came to the last hand sign. Shadow clones appeared at Sai's side, nearly perfect so someone like Haku could not see through them. All together like a wave they charged him.

Haku lunged away from the clones, throwing senbon and dispersing nearly half of them. A creeping at his back warned him and he spun away quickly to avoid an assault from the blonde's clones. Again he threw senbon into their midst, not managing to hit the real one.

"Enough of this Haku, finish it," Zabuza snarled. Quick steps announced his movement toward their target, the bridge builder. Half of the dark haired boy's clones broke off to intercept him. Haku easily got rid of them and began rapidly moving through the hand signs. The other half of the clones, including the blonde ones, charged at him, one having the thought to lob a shuriken his way. Haku effortlessly deflected it and finished the jutsu. Instantly mirrors sprung up between himself and the clone and trapped them in.

"I do not want to harm you," Haku said softly, "but for my precious person, I will take the last step to become a true shinobi." In saying so he stepped forward, his body melding into that of the mirror. In an instant every mirror face reflected the same image. Haku.

The remainder of Sai's clones grouped themselves together, waiting for whatever was coming. Naruto's yelled and raged at him and all together they charged at the mirrors, intent on breaking through by sheer force. Haku watched them calmly and sprung forward, moving quickly through the mirrors and stopping all the clones in their tracks.

All but one. This one fell to the ground holding his injured shoulder, gazing around for the clones that were no longer there. Haku paid him little notice and threw himself once more through the mirrors, this time aiming for the brunette's clones to at last expose the original. Haku squinted through the mist of the destroyed clones, searching for the last one standing that would be the true boy. His frown deepened as the smoke cleared and no others remained.

Movement out of the corner of his eye caused him to turn. Sai hauled himself over the edge of the railing and ran after Zabuza. Haku tensed, caught between going after the threat to his comrade and finishing the one trapped in his jutsu.

Zabuza turned and swung his sword at the boy. Sai caught the flat with his hands, avoiding damage as Zabuza tossed him ten feet away. Sai landed lightly and charged him again.

"Sai, I'll deal with him. Go help Naruto," Kakashi ordered. Sai hesitated a moment, glancing at Naruto trapped in Haku's mirrors.

The moment of inattention allowed Zabuza to create a clone. A quick gesture and the clone swung his sword at Sai's head. Sai turned away from Naruto as if he'd forgotten he was there, facing down the clone.

"Sai!" Kakashi yelled at him as the real Zabuza rushed forward to engage him, grinning like a maniac under the bandages.

In the mirror enclosure Haku turned his attention away from the events outside - he was confident Zabuza could handle it – and to the blonde standing defenseless in his control. His eyes searched the mirrors blindly for the real one; Haku felt a brief thrill of fear as his eyes slid right over him. Haku's hands slipped to the senbon and threw he himself into another attack.

AN: Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry.

Family vacation, school started, writers block and stupid rogers hub not working. Not very great excuses but there you have it. On the bright side I have a spare and a lazy social teacher so writing should be happening, though updates will still probably be few and far between.

Now on this chapter: Did I fool anybody with the beginning? Was it clear that it wasn't _really_ a sex scene?


	7. This is Going to Fkin' Hurt

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2* a lot of jumping perspectives in this chapter, hope it doesn't get confusing.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python.

Thank you to **AlchemyGaara****, kuzon23ray** and **sarahsalim** for reviewing the last chapter :D

Chapter 7: This is Going to F**kin' Hurt

Sasuke frowned, watching as the blonde suddenly spun around the way he'd come, going faster even than he'd been before. He felt mildly offended for a second - he was sure Naruto had looked right at him, why hadn't he at least stopped so say hi? – then he caught the scent of blood. Cautious now, he drew a couple kunai and crept toward the source of the scent. His heart hammered in his chest, if there was something over there... he'd never done anything like this without Itachi near by…

Sasuke took a deep breath, steadying his nerves and shoved the grass aside, ready to attack. Blank red eyes stared at him from a face covered in coarse brown hair. He fell back ungracefully onto his butt, more from surprise than fear and took another calming breath. A dead boar, was that all Naruto had run away from? It didn't really seem like him, from the little Sasuke knew about him.

As Sasuke was sitting there, still staring at the boar as if he expected it to move if he didn't, there came crashing in the trees above. Sasuke moved into action quickly, remembering at last that for there to be something dead, something else bigger usually had to have killed it. He hid himself in the heavy bushes at the foot of a tree and watched the streak of orange shoot by him again.

Sasuke blinked. Naruto really had to work on his detection abilities. Sasuke watched him go for a second then followed him, curious to know where the blonde was going in such a hurry. Naruto was moving much faster than Sasuke was willing to waste the chakra on the keep up and he gradually drew out of his sight. Not that it really mattered; Naruto left such a clear trail it would have been easy to follow him even without knowing which direction he'd been going.

Sasuke dropped down to the ground as the trees began to thin out. The bridge, that's where he was going, Naruto and his companions were probably the ninja he'd heard about who'd been hired to guard the bridge builder, Sasuke realized. Sasuke hesitated; there would be more leaf ninja on the bridge. He didn't want anyone to recognize him, as unlikely as that was. Curiosity won out again and he made his way to the bridge.

He moved slowly to the bridge, wary of any other leaf ninja who might see him and attack. His caution caused him to circle far out of his way to a line of trees that ran along the water line to the bridge. He didn't run into any workers, or anybody for that matter. Sasuke felt a vague apprehension, but was not quite sure of its origins. The closer he got the more it grew, after awhile he became aware of a noise that he could not or did not want to place.

As the bridge came into view he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. All his care was unneeded; the leaf ninja were far too distracted to notice him.

That noise he'd heard before, the familiar clash of metal on metal, and the slight tingle in the air like electricity pointed toward a battle. It seemed Zabuza had finally made his move.

Sasuke watched the battle play out, tensing each time any attack came even close to hitting Naruto. He felt frustration flood through him watching Naruto's supposed _partner_ all but ignore the blonde's attempts to help him. Zabuza and Naruto's other companions stood out of the main battle, watching the other for any move to disrupt the battle. Sasuke's hands tensed, wanting more than anything to move into the battle and end it. It was clear to him that Haku was just toying with them with no real attempt to kill them. It frustrated him to see someone treating another's abilities as so inconsequential.

And still, the others just stood back and watched.

Zabuza shifted forward onto his toes and his sword came up in a ready position. "Enough of this Haku, finish it." He lunged into motion. Half of Naruto's brunette teammate's clones broke off to pursue him but Sasuke paid them no attention. Haku's hands moved rapidly in an unfamiliar jutsu. Sasuke activated his Sharingan, trying to follow the movements. The other boy's hands flew gracefully through the signs. All familiar, he'd been doing them for years, but he'd never seen them in this combination.

It took him a moment to realize this was not a jutsu that could be copied.

"Kekkei genkai," Sasuke whispered, as crystalline mirrors sprung up between him and Naruto. His eyes widened as the masked boy stepped forward and _into_ the mirror. Sasuke flicked his Sharingan on and off, trying to detect any tricks but there was none. The dark haired boy's clones grouped together, protecting each others backs. A good strategy, but ultimately useless. Naruto seemed to have abandoned strategy all together and simply yelled and raged uselessly at the hundreds of Hakus.

Sasuke blinked in confusion, noticing something unusual about the brunette's clones, and it was just that. They were all clones, not one of the dark haired boys in the mirror enclosure was the original. Sasuke felt a flutter of excitement. With their team leader engaged in battle with Zabuza and the pink female with orders to guard the bridge builder, the only option that had seemed available was for Sasuke to step in and save Naruto. As much as he would have liked that he was still, even in the middle of battle with his blonde in danger, hesitant to reveal himself to leaf shinobi. But Naruto's dark haired teammate would help him now; he appeared to be very capable.

In moments the clones were gone. Sasuke flinched each time one of Naruto's clones was hit, at last the real Naruto was the only one standing captive. Sasuke's body bunched with tension as he waited, looking around for the appearance of the other boy.

His body remained unmoving with tension as he watched the brunette emerged from the side of the bridge. Watched him make his way toward the mirror cage and abruptly change his course and attack Zabuza. Watched him disobey a direct order from his squad leader. Watched Haku fill Naruto's body with senbon that he had no way of getting away from.

Sasuke was frozen, too stunned by what he'd just seen to believe it, even with his Sharingan activated.

That-that boy had abandoned his supposed teammate.

'_Noble ninja,'_ Sasuke sneered to himself. But still he continued to simply stare, unable to reveal himself.

TTT

Naruto dropped to his knees, hands clutched over his head as the needles rained down. He was already riddled with them, they stuck in his arms and legs and across his back. He'd been able to protect his front, no major injuries, but damn, those things hurt!

The barrage of needles stopped and he whipped his head up to glare at his attacker. "Why are you doing this?" he shouted. "You said you didn't want to, so why?"

Hundreds of masked faces stared back at him blankly, emotionless. "To protect my precious person," he said it with such certainty, as if it were an obvious truth.

Naruto glanced out of the mirrors, where Zabuza and his clone were holding off the two most gifted members of his team with relative ease. "It doesn't look like he needs much protecting," he growled.

Haku prepared yet more needles, emotionless mask still fixed on him. "Never the less, I must do what I can, for Zabuza."

Naruto clutched his hands over his head and curled into himself, trying to protect himself from as many needles as possible. By now, he knew it was hopeless to try to dodge. He didn't know how long it went on, these attacks. He watched the flickers of the forms in the mirrors to prepare for the attacks; he could see the slight glint in the air of a senbon. Occasionally he caught flashed of the battle outside, but he felt so removed from it, all he could do was attempt to dodge, feel the pain of needles lodged in his skin and new ones entering. He couldn't even _think_! Couldn't plan how to escape.

He yelled out, maybe a name, maybe just an unintelligible noise, trying to get the attention of one of his teammates. He couldn't tell if anyone heard him, he was still focused on his attacker.

Naruto dropped to his knees, exhausted from fear, blood loss, and fading adrenaline. Why didn't Haku just finish it? Why didn't he just aim his needles a little bit higher, at his spine, sever his brains ties to his body, just let him escape from pain and this foreign country whose wet air made his lungs labor for breath.

He slowly raised his head, glancing around with blurred eyes. More time had passed than was usual between attacks, he looked up at the mirror, finding Haku looking down at him.

"Give up," Haku ordered dispassionately, "stop fighting and leave here, go back to your leaf village and you will not have to die here."

"No," Naruto hissed. He spat blood onto the ground and slowly stood up, "I-I've still gotta prove myself and become Hokage. I can't run. I can't ever give up. 'Cause that is my ninja way."

Senbon glinted in Haku's hands, "Then I am sorry, but you have to die."

TTT

Sasuke ground his teeth together, the separate battles had been going on for a long time now, and still Naruto was being ignored. The blonde was holding up fine, so far Haku had yet to aim for any vitals. Silently he urged the pink haired one to save him, it's not she was doing anything; the two other males had Zabuza covered and were busy with him.

"Come on," he growled. The bridge builder was old, he didn't have much life left anyways. His eyes flickered back over to the silver haired man and Zabuza's fight, it seemed they were finally getting really serious, the silver haired man had pulled back his head band for better view and Zabuza had summoned mist to hide his moves. The dark haired coward still hadn't beaten the clone, but was managing to hinder Zabuza slightly with projectiles. His eyes caught a flash of something he'd never expected to see and he jerked his gaze back to the silver haired man.

There, the left eye that had just been uncovered, the red glint of the mirror wheel eye. His eyes narrowed, Hatake Kakashi, the Sharingan thief.

A scream cut through the air.

Sasuke jolted back around and stared with wide eyes at Naruto. Haku had at last gotten serious, needles were close, far too close, to serious vital areas.

Sasuke cast around. All of Naruto's teammates, still occupied. And Naruto… still screaming. With a curse he threw himself over the guard rail and took off over the bridge aiming for the mirror enclosure. Both occupants were too busy with each other to notice his approach. This was fortunate for Sasuke as he hadn't taken the time to think of a strategy before charging in.

He halted a few feet away from the nearest mirror. Ice, not glass was what they were made up of. Instantly a plan came to him and he flew quickly through the seals.

"Fire ball jutsu!" he yelled. Haku and Naruto turned at the yell but he ignored them both, by the time either of them reacted the mirrors would all be puddles on the ground. Steam rose around him as the intense heat met with the ice. It reminded Sasuke uncomfortably of a smoke screen, he hoped there were no unpleasant surprises lurking beneath this.

His wish was not granted. The mist cleared and there stood the mirrors, perfectly formed and unscarred. Haku almost seemed to be gloating.

"That was foolish," he said softly, "go, now, and do not try to interfere again. If it weren't for your connection with Zabuza I would kill you now."

"Let him go," Sasuke snarled back. He dimly heard a woman's voice shouting but his focus was all on Haku.

"Why are you meddling? The boy is of no concern to you. And I believe we had an agreement."

Sasuke's eyes flickered to Naruto on the ground, he was laying slightly curled on his side, panting heavily, his intense blue eyes stayed fixed on him. "Doesn't matter if you don't let him go," he hissed, his hands dropped to his weapons pouch and he pulled two kunai out. With one in each hand, he held his arms out in an 'x' in front of his body in a ready position.

Haku raised his hands and immediately another Haku appeared outside the enclosure facing Sasuke. "Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll deal with you as well." The clone bolted forward, senbon clashing against kunai. Sasuke caught and held it against one kunai and used the other one to slash at the clone's body. It avoided it easily and a senbon was in its other hand and cutting into his arm.

He flinched away from the pain and the clone swept his legs out from under him and drove him to the ground with its fist. Sasuke whipped his kunai out, slashing its foot and it disappeared in a poof of smoke. He jumped to his feet and another clone was there to engage him. Sasuke broke away from it and stepped up his speed. He didn't usually meet someone who could match him, the first one had caught him off but this one wouldn't. The clone, on the other hand, was. He slammed his kunai into the back of its head, turning to face the mirrors again as it disappeared.

Two more clones faced him. This was getting old.

The first clone blocked his strike at its head, and the swipe at its stomach, but was far too slow to catch his lightning fast steps as he spun around it and drove his knee into its back. Sasuke lunged at the other one through the smoke. The clone ducked his attack and swiped at his stomach with a senbon. Sasuke hopped back away from it and turned slightly to face the mirrors.

"Come on and face me, don't be such a coward!" he shouted. The clone dove in again, sliding passed his guard and driving a senbon into his shoulder and diving back out of his reach before pressing forward again. Senbon and kunai clashed as a scream erupted from Naruto.

Sasuke pun away from the battle to look for the blonde head, finding it hidden under two bloodied, tanned hands. His distraction allowed the clone to pin him to the ground, but same as the first clone it was easily dispatched with a strike at its legs. Another clone was right behind it though, the disappearance of the first only cleared the way for the senbon that it sent into Sasuke's neck.

"SASUKE!" Naruto roared, there was a strange edge to his voice. That was the last thing Sasuke heard before everything went black.

TTT

"Where's Sasuke?"

It was the first words that had been spoken in over an hour. Kisame glanced up at his partner as Itachi spoke. He set down his weapons and rag he'd been using to clean them as he replied.

"He left this morning to train, remember? He told you as much."

Itachi didn't even seem to be listening, his hangover glazed eyes gazed at the far wall. Abruptly he shook his head and got shakily to his feet. "I'm going to go find him."

Kisame sighed as Itachi stumbled and caught his balance against the wall, trying unsuccessfully to cover it up. "Itachi, you're sick and Sasuke is fine. He's been going out by himself since we got here."

Itachi glared at him, "If you're not concerned fine, stay here, but I'm going." His eyes flicked momentarily into sharingan red but faded instantly into black once more as his face turned green. They'd discovered that, despite the fact that the Sharingan helped to maintain balance, it also induced extreme motion sickness when you had a hangover.

Itachi stumbled over to the foot of his bed and picked up his black and red akatsuki cloak. Kisame watched helplessly as Itachi swung the cloak around his shoulders and went about his preparations, gathering weapons pouch and scrolls from around the room. Itachi had his hand on the knob by the time Kisame finally gave in with a sigh.

"All right," he growled, throwing his weapons back into his pouch, banging around in a very clear 'I am annoyed' way.

Itachi turned away to hide his smile.

TTT

AN: Whoo, there! I had to beat it a bit but it's finally done :D Oh, and happy belated thanksgiving to any Canadians and early to any Americans. As such be thankful for this, thankful dammit! :P

Please review.


	8. Foxy Damsel is Pissed

Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

**WARNING** – *see chapters 1 & 2* violence. LOTS of jumping around.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python. Haku's speech belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, I just love it too much to change it or skip it.

Thank you to **AlchemyGaara**,** -00-night-eyes-00-, ****KisameKick** and **YaoiPhox** for reviewing the last chapter :D

Chapter 8: Foxy damsel is pissed

Naruto lunged to his feet, all pain forgotten as he watched Sasuke fall. He... hadn't thought that Haku would beat him, at least not so easily. Sasuke was strong, stronger than Naruto, maybe even stronger than Sai. Naruto strode forward, feeling a strange sensation come over him. It started as a burning in his belly, then it spread through his chest and out to his limbs till it tingled in his fingertips and made his ears buzz. He could barely begin to explain it but it built up inside him until he had to let it out.

He let out a scream, unsure if there were even words in the cry, and rushed at the perimeter of the mirrors. He slammed into the mirror. It shattered. He felt a body, solid and real, beneath his hands and his lips drew back from his teeth. Haku would not get away this time. His hands hooked into claws and he snarled low in his throat and tore at the body, only wanting to tear, rend, kill, _destroy_.

He threw the body away from him and watched it fall back, the mask missing from its face. Seeing that, the pale skin streaked with blood and a strange, sad resignation in its eyes brought him back to his senses. The fire faded from his veins and his mind came back from wherever it'd been. He took a deep breath and it was all gone, he could barely remember what it had felt like.

He froze, halting the impact of the killing blow. The boy didn't react to this, his face showed no relief or fear.

"Why did you stop?" he said, staring passed the fist in front of his face into Naruto's eyes. "I would have killed you, so why spare me?" He smiled, still so sad, "I killed the one who tried to save you, and you cannot even avenge him."

Naruto's gaze was drug unwillingly to the body of the dark eyed boy. Sasuke. His fist tensed up and he swung it into Haku's expressionless face.

Haku wiped the blood from his mouth and slowly got to his feet. "All the power from before… where is it? You can't hope to kill me with the meager force you put into that blow." Naruto recoiled. He couldn't believe this; this boy wanted him to kill him… why? "Often people have it wrong, mistakenly believing that showing mercy to an enemy is kindness. They spare the foe whose life is in their hands but don't you see?" Haku's eyes burned fervently, emotion finally awakened in him. "It's an empty existence to go on living… alone and unloved… when defeat's already cost you your dreams!"

"What?" Naruto growled, on guard but willing to listen.

That sad smile again. "Zabuza has no use for a weak weapon. You've taken away my reason for living."

"Why waste all that devotion on such a creep?" Naruto shouted, "That mercenary scumbag doesn't care who he works for who gets hurt, just so long as someone pays him!" _Don't you see? He doesn't care about you!_ "Is that browless wonder really precious to you? Your beloved friend?"

"Once…" Haku began after a while, looking at him with something like pity, "I was precious. I belonged to my parents."

TTT

Itachi grit his teeth. Now he was sure something was wrong. Nobody was out in the town; it was usually packed this time of day, so far they had met no one. He growled in his throat. Alcohol was a cruel liquid, even the next day he was so disoriented he could barely control his chakra and leaping through the trees was impossible, they'd been forced to walk along the road. It was taking far too long for Itachi's liking. Running, of course, was also impossible.

Still, as the bridge came into view his step quickened. He broke out into a full out run as he felt the energy emanating from the bridge, hangover be damned.

"Stop," Kisame called to him. Itachi considered ignoring him but thought better of it.

"What," he snapped, halting barely two blocks from the bridge entrance. Kisame inclined his head toward a place on the opposite side of the bridge. Itachi spun around quickly and stared at the group of men laying in wait there. He bit his lip, how had he possibly missed that?

"Gato's men," Kisame murmured softly.

Itachi risked activating the sharingan, battling the sickness it brought on long enough to deduce that these were only regular thugs, not an ounce of ninjutsu among them. "How do you know they are Gato's?"

Kisame grinned. "I got bored, did a little more than just sight seeing while we waited."

"Hn." Itachi stared at the men, willing his foggy brain to work. Definitely not drinking again.

They could take them all out. He and Kisame had cleared out this number and then some individually. Without any talents besides brute force these men would be child's play. On the other hand Gato was not here, if they eliminated all his protection he would run and they could spend months tracking him down again. No, better to leave them be, bide his time and wait for Gato.

That still left whatever was happening on the bridge. Itachi spun around, flitting from the cover of the crates that had hidden them from view, across the road to a fishing shack on the edge of the water. He had a fairly clear view of the bridge from here, although the heavy mist made it almost impossible to see. He squinted through it, trying to make out the nearly invisible figures there.

Kisame settled beside him, squinting like him at the bridge. "Can you not use your sharingan?" he growled lowly, as if the men could hear him.

"Even if I could, it wouldn't do any good. The sharingan can't see through solid objects." Itachi squinted through the mist and froze. "Kisame, I think your friends might be in danger."

"Eh? Who?" Kisame leaned forward as the mist began to clear revealing a tall figure held immobile by a strange black substance, like oil, and the man sprinting towards him, light glowing in his hand. "Well," Kisame grunted as he leaned back, "that can't be good."

TTT

"Damn!" Kakashi hissed, casting around through the mist for Zabuza. The demon had been correct in that the mist he had summoned rendered his sharingan useless. Through this he only had his hearing and nose to tell him anything and those were both thrown off by the heavy moisture in the air and the displacement that occurred in heavy fog. And Sai made it that much more difficult, he'd hear a scuff behind him and have to check himself in the last instant as he tried to decipher whether it was friend or foe. "Damn…" he hissed again.

A touch on his arm made him jump and he spun to see Sai's black eyes looking up at him seriously. It took him a moment to realize that the changing pressure on his arm was more than just nerves from the younger boy, but a code.

'I have a plan,' Sai tapped out. 'I was able to mark him,' Kakashi's eyes widened, 'I'll hold him and you go in.' Kakashi nodded as Sai slipped away into the mist.

"Listen to me," Kakashi called out into the mist, "Zabuza, we're both busy men, got a lot on our plates and it goes against the grain to even suggest this but why don't we stop screwing around and wrap this up right now? One big move, winner take all?"

"An intriguing notion," the disembodied voice rumbled through the fog, "What's left, Kakashi? Show me what you've got!"

Kakashi felt a slight flare of familiar chakra and smirked as Zabuza continued to gloat. "This posturing will get you nowhere, Kakashi...!" Kakashi drowned the rest out and waited for his cue.

"NO!" Zabuza's cry cut through the fog as it began to clear and Kakashi walked calmly in the direction of the voice.

"What was it your boy said?" he called to the trapped figure, "Something about knowing your opponents abilities?" But then how would Zabuza have known about Sai's jutsus abilities, like calling to like. Able to find anything once marked. His eyes slid over the inky bonds, surprisingly strong for being made of liquid. Zabuza would not escape this. "Look out Sai; you don't want to get caught up in this."

"I see your future, Zabuza," Kakashi's sharingan eye flashed crimson, fixed menacingly on Zabuza. "And your future, is death."

TTT

"You'll have to bloody your hands. Forgive me for that." Naruto squeezed his eyes closed against the words, this insane acceptance of death and for what? He couldn't understand it what could possibly be worth dying for so dishonorably?

"Is this the only way?" he grit out, watching something come back into the other's eyes as he hissed "yes!" and his hand moved to retrieve a kunai.

"I hope you find your dream," Haku murmured, head bowed in acceptance.

Naruto's hand tightened around the kunai and he hissed out, "If we'd met some other way, someplace else, you and me'd probably have been friends." He lunged into motion, hoping to end this as quickly as possible.

"Thank you."

Barely a step away, kunai poised to end Haku's life as he'd wished, and something changed. Haku's head snapped up and instead of standing still, waiting for what was to come he moved, gripping Naruto's arm and guiding the deadly blow away from him. "I'm sorry Naruto. I can't die yet," and was gone in a cloud of smoke, leaving Naruto gapping.

TTT

His hands moved into the three seals as Sai moved away from the kill zone, completely enthralled by the crackling mass in his squad leader's hand. Kakashi crouched low, building into a sprint as he brought his hand up in preparation to deliver the jab.

Sai cried out somewhere, and the bonds slipped. Motion blurred before him. Kakashi's eyes widened, his sharingan seeing every detail with his enhanced vision but his body unable to react. Haku moved into place in front of Zabuza, body braced to take the blow meant for him. Kakashi could only look away as his hand connected with flesh.

Except something else happened.

Kakashi's gaze searched wildly, moving up the length of his arm to the place where Zabuza's hand gripped his. The bones in his wrist cracked, his eyes shot up and met with burning red ones through his blood spattered hair. "I need this brat," Zabuza snarled.

"Za…bu…za," the boy choked, single working hand coming up to hold Kakashi's arm captive in his ruined shoulder.

A slow smile curled Zabuza's lips, "Good boy, Haku." He released Kakashi's arm, hefting his sword and swing it toward the locked men. Kakashi's hand curled around the flesh trapping his hand, using it as a handhold as he jumped away, jerking the boy with him. The sword cut through the air, nearly brushing the locks of silver hair.

"Stay still so I can kill you, Hatake!" The demon was truly out now; Kakashi could see that crazed gleam in Zabuza's eye as he drove the copy-nin back with his sword, Kakashi dragging Haku the whole way. The boy was dead weight, keeping Kakashi from using his full strength and speed. With the way the boy clung to his wrist still, he knew this.

Kakashi snarled. _No other choice_. His hand came up crushing the boy's wrist and yanking it away from his own and pulling his arm free. A ragged scream tore from Haku's lips, his face cast over white and his eyes rolled back.

_At least he's out of commission now,_ Kakashi thought grimly. Gently, far more gently than one would ever be expected to handle an enemy, he placed Haku on the ground and turned his eyes up to the sneering face of Zabuza. His blood boiled to see such blatant disregard for an ally, even coming from one such as the demon. He moved slowly to his feet, his vision rolling over red.

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto's voice broke over the scene. He froze, catching sight of the boy at Kakashi's feet, eyes jumping from it to Kakashi and finally to Zabuza. Nearly unscathed. "How could you let this happen to him!" he shrieked, making to run at him. Kakashi's voice cut off the charge.

"Stay out of this Naruto," he growled, the tone of his voice stopping Naruto in his tracks, "This is my fight."

Zabuza laughed, rushing him in his momentary distraction. "Don't let yourself get distracted Kakashi!" Kakashi threw himself forward into the attack, using the force of Zabuza's own charge to inflict greater pain.

"Sakura, go to Sai," Kakashi snapped, flashing a grim look over at his immobile team, "take care of your teammate." He didn't have a chance to make sure they'd followed instructions, he was back in battle with the demon.

TTT

AN: Before anyone can say it, I will: stupid chapter! No development! GO DIE! .\ /. I'm hoping starting a new chapter will get me going, it usually works :(

I have no idea if Sai can do the 'like to like' jutsu but it made sense and (after going through countless arguments with TMSP in which he kept switching positions) it was finally included and I was able to finish this dang thing! This whole wave arc is dragging on a LOT longer than I thought it would.


End file.
